Chapter 164 The Authentic and the Fake Self
Meng Huai’s unexpected fainting in the underground shooting training ground not only led to some gossip within the Hyacinth Villa, but it also left Dr. Lu and his small team in a state of distress for a while.
After a thorough examination, no issues were found, and it could only be attributed to memory confusion due to excessive psychological stress during the physical recovery period.
During the check-up, a strange phenomenon was observed: as long as Jiang Yan was a certain distance away from Meng Huai, his breathing would become rapid and even exhibit abnormal brainwave patterns.
With no alternatives, Jiang Yan could only sit by the bed, holding his hand and soothing him to sleep, all while receiving strange looks from Dr. Lu and others.
After eleven o’clock, Jiang Yan, slightly flushed, quietly entered Wan Yue’s study.
“Finally asleep?”
Wan Yue turned away from the computer and teasingly remarked, “I thought you’d be in the room with him for a while longer… Now you have to coax him to sleep.”
“As for you… I’m a bit surprised. Your practice has progressed quickly these days. It seems that women in love are either completely foolish or do exceptionally well.”
Jiang Yan lowered her head slightly, noncommittal, perhaps feeling a bit anxious.
“Dr. Lu just told me that the physical injuries, including those to the brain, have basically healed, but the memory issues are much more significant than the physical problems.”
“His latest check-up results are out; the metabolism of the drug residue in his body is faster than expected. In a few days, once his physical and mental state stabilizes a bit more, he should be able to take the purification medication.”
Wan Yue pushed a bottle of medicine over the table and continued casually, “With his current temperament, whether he’s part of the Black Blood Clan is actually not important at all. But Hyacinth is ultimately a big collective, so it’s better for him to be normal.”
Jiang Yan took the bottle, still hesitating: “Sister Wan, I seem to have heard Brother Hao say that the higher the level of the Black Blood Clan, the harder it is to purify the blood food factor from within.”
At this, Wan Yue smiled and nodded her head, “Yes, blood food itself can be addictive. This is the consequence of taking shortcuts. The Black Blood Clan is referred to as beasts and lunatics for a reason. This is also the reason Guo Xi has always puzzled us about taking him away…”
“But you also know that his actual time with blood food hasn’t been long, yet Fu Zhilan and Suodokai have had a greater impact on him.”
“He’s currently a lower-level knight; his level is a bit high, and the response to taking the purification medication might be quite uncomfortable. However, since he can withstand Fu Zhilan’s withdrawal response, this little bit of suffering should also be manageable. Besides, after drinking so much of your blood, it’s unlikely he will drop in level after purification.”
“Remember, taking the purification medication may trigger boiling blood control and bone pain responses, so it needs to be taken with the Wang family’s Wuju power…”
After saying this, Wan Yue turned her chair back to the computer desk and continued with her work.
Holding the medicine bottle, Jiang Yan did not leave but instead showed obvious signs of struggle on her face.
“What’s the matter? Still something on your mind?”
Wan Yue glanced at the girl who was lost in thought beside her, confused.
“Sister Wan, have I been spending too much time with him?” Jiang Yan raised her head, looking tense. “Sometimes, I don’t even know if he is Meng Huai or Li Huai.”
Wan Yue smiled lightly, and after a few seconds, slowly stood up, looking down at Jiang Yan: “The Jiang Yan in Meng Huai’s mind actually has three versions.”
“One is in the forgotten past, an ordinary girl who comforted him in his last moments of life; another is a guardian who accompanied him through all the tortures in the most painful dreams; the last one is the present, the elite of Hyacinth, a half-baronet of the Blood Clan.”
They are separated from each other, not knowing one another, yet occasionally overlapping… So, which one do you most want to be?
Jiang Yan was taken aback, her expression increasingly bewildered.
What’s the matter? Can’t continue the conversation?
Wan Yue’s finger poked at Jiang Yan’s shoulder, her eyes still smiling and her mouth curling in jest: “Actually, this question is simple. You just need to ask yourself: Do you want to recreate the old Meng Huai, or fabricate a patchwork monster, or create an entirely new Li Huai?”
Jiang Yan lowered her head slightly, pondering for a dozen seconds, her face hesitant: “Sister Wan, I actually haven’t thought too much. I just want him to recover to normal faster, adapt to the new life… Perhaps it’s best if he remains this way forever. Isn’t a blank slate good?”
After speaking, Jiang Yan awkwardly lowered her head again.
These words felt a bit insincere to her, or rather, the idea of creating Li Huai itself was a ridiculous concept.
“Silly girl, letting him become a person without a past will make you feel more at ease? You are quite adept at avoiding… What kind of false identity does he have to adopt to adapt to the new life and update his own self-awareness?”
Wan Yue waved her hand and sighed slightly, seeming somewhat disappointed: “Silly girl, you are still you, but he is fragmented and uneven. His inner demons are heavy; all the past cannot possibly disappear forever; they will eventually come back at some point!”
“Losing your guidance, his memory regression will be a terrifying process, like a surgical operation without anesthesia. The more isolated he is, the more brutal this operation will become, and in the end, he will be completely consumed by his inner demons.”
Jiang Yan shuddered all over, slowly standing up, her expression uneasy: “W-why me?”
Wan Yue chuckled in disbelief, and after a while, rolled her eyes dramatically: “Oh, if it was something that I could solve with just a flick of my finger, would I need you? Does he like me?”
Jiang Yan was completely dumbfounded, her expression quickly becoming uncomfortable, and the complexion that had finally returned to normal began to rapidly redden.
Wan Yue’s hand gently touched Jiang Yan’s head: “Silly girl, he currently sees you as the only buoy in this world. Only you can anchor the real world in his eyes.”
“Jiang Yan, do you know why I named this collective Hyacinth? I really like the flower language of hyacinth: to forget the sadness of the past and to start a new love.”
“But this forgetting doesn’t mean forgetting the true self of the past; it just means discarding those old pains… I have always wanted everyone to firmly believe that the Blood Clan can live like normal people, keeping the heart of what it means to be human and experiencing the beauty of life, but one must first confront where they came from.”
“How can a self that is only false and incomplete possibly have a bright future!?”
After saying this, Wan Yue turned her body and walked toward her bedroom without looking back, leaving Jiang Yan behind.
…
Wan Yue’s words hit Jiang Yan like a heavy hammer, making her head buzz, so much so that she couldn’t even remember when she left Wan Yue’s room.
Meng Huai’s past is too cruel; he truly shouldn’t go back. But can a false self still be considered Meng Huai… Walking down the corridor back to her room, Jiang Yan suddenly felt a thrill of fear.
As Wan Yue hinted, Meng Huai has inner demons; his true self will eventually awaken. Without companionship and guidance, it would probably be no different from awakening a ferocious beast.
And she is the only tamer capable of binding this beast, as described by Wan Yue.
But is this my duty? What is controlling me to want to save someone unrelated to me… Jiang Yan lowered her head, walking in a daze, muttering strange whispers.
Just as she was about to reach her room, she bumped into someone. Looking up, she found Meng Huai unexpectedly in pajamas, barefoot, blocking her way with his body.
“I heard people here say that there’s a lake nearby. Tomorrow… shall we go?”
Meng Huai shyly shifted his body, creating space for Jiang Yan to move forward.
“Meng Huai… weren’t you asleep?”
Jiang Yan was stunned, glancing back at the corridor, then at the dormitory door to the side, and finally at the suddenly appearing Meng Huai, figuring she must be hallucinating.
“You weren’t here, and I had a dream… I dreamed that I killed you…”
When Meng Huai said this, his face was slightly pale.
Wan Yue’s previous words echoed in Jiang Yan’s mind as she lowered her head, pushing past Meng Huai, advancing a few steps to reach the doorknob. A few seconds later, she turned around and softly said: “You should go to sleep, and I promise to go to Longquan Lake with you tomorrow.”
“…”
Meng Huai didn’t move, standing in silence with a hint of helplessness, as if the response he wanted was not received, showing anxiety.
“Meng Huai, go to sleep!”
Jiang Yan lowered her voice, her gentleness from the day replaced with her usual coldness.
“I’m sorry…”
Meng Huai slowly turned around, heading toward the stairs at the end of the corridor. After taking a few steps, he felt someone hug him.
“There’s no dream, it’s all fake, it’s all in the past. You’ve already entered the same world as me. Just like this, forget everything from before and accept this world anew.”
Patting the young man’s chest, Jiang Yan’s body trembled as she feared her own insincerity.
“I want to know who I was before, why I am part of the Blood Clan, why I feel so familiar with you…”
“That’s enough! How long do you intend to keep grossing me out!”
Suddenly, not far behind them, a door was slammed open, and Jiang Yan, wearing a nightgown, leaped into the corridor, her bare feet apart, hands on her hips, with an angry expression.
…
Jiang Yan did not return, and Jiang Yao leaned alone against the head of her bed, still video calling Zhong Jing.
“…Yes, the renovation of the new company is almost done, and the operating procedures should be sorted by the end of the month. By then, I’ll appoint you as the chief secretary, sitting next to my office, and you must be ready to respond at any time!”
On the phone screen, Zhong Jing had fixed the phone’s camera angle, apparently still working overtime in front of the computer, while his mouth was filled with various frivolous and nonsensical teasing.
“I don’t want to hear your nonsense; I’m asking you, is your brother back yet?”
Unmoved by Zhong Jing’s flirtations, Jiang Yao remained expressionless, staring at the phone, her tone cold.
“Um, I haven’t seen him for about a month… He should still be on a business trip, right?”
Finally sensing something was off, Zhong Jing turned toward the camera, a hint of confusion appearing on his face.
“Yeah, keep making excuses. Aren’t you supposed to be good at deceiving people?”
Jiang Yao sneered coldly, seeming to see through his feigned nonchalance.
“Alright, I’ve already received notice from the unit; he has been missing in the southwestern region for nearly two months now. I estimate it’s more likely a bad situation… So, is Jiang Yan asking about him?”
Zhong Jing sighed, his expression somewhat bitter.
“Zhong Jing, if your brother ended up in another world, not the dead kind, would you be surprised?”
In the video, Jiang Yao’s expression became increasingly strange.
“Ha, interesting hypothesis… If this really happened to him, I wouldn’t be surprised, that’s the consistent trait of the Lao Zhong family.”
Zhong Jing actually laughed, even the camera slightly shook, seemingly unable to control his emotions.
“Oh, you’re the least burdened by feelings.”
Jiang Yao couldn’t help but roll her eyes.
“Enough of the jokes; seriously, I always felt that my brother has long been out of step with the world of normal people. If he became a Blood Clan member, it might actually be the best way to break free from his obsession… Maybe, who knows.”
“If Jiang Yan were to meet him, wouldn’t that be even more interesting… Hey, don’t look at me like that.”
Feeling that the joking had gone a bit too far, seeing Jiang Yao’s change in expression, Zhong Jing quickly waved his hands.
“You’re so annoying!”
Jiang Yao got slightly angry, directly disconnecting the video call and throwing her phone onto the bed in frustration.
Outside the door, she heard Jiang Yan’s voice, as if talking to someone.
Jiang Yao thought for a moment, not even putting on her shoes, she tiptoed to the door, pressing her ear against the door panel.
After listening for a few seconds, she quietly opened the door and peeked out… Just one glance ignited Jiang Yao’s fury. She suddenly pulled open the door and rushed into the corridor.
“Enough! How long do you intend to gross us out!”
The atmosphere in the room was awkward, and for the first time, Jiang Yan faced Jiang Yao with a sense of evasion. The usual calm and cold demeanor was replaced by a palpable anxiety, tearing away all facades.
“If he really is a broken Li Huai, then that’s fine! Spending all day together; aren’t you afraid he will completely wake up?”
“It’s easy to say one world… With his kind of eccentric personality, how can the Blood Clan still accept him in this world?”
For ten minutes now, Jiang Yao had taken a consistently mocking attitude.
“Are you done yet…”
Jiang Yao’s persistent prejudice against Jiang Yan gradually allowed Jiang Yan to return to normal.
Taking a deep breath to calm her emotions, Jiang Yan placed her hand on Jiang Yao’s shoulder: “He has a Blood Clan mother; this heart knot can only be resolved in the world of the Blood Clan. I believe Hyacinth will help him change; otherwise, Sister Wan wouldn’t have agreed to take him in.”
Jiang Yao shrugged off Jiang Yan’s hand, her expression dark: “Hyacinth means nothing compared to the entire Blood Clan world… What Sister Wan is really thinking, how would we know? Do you want to live too long?”
Facing Jiang Yao’s questioning, Jiang Yan remained expressionless and silent, merely watching her quietly.
Seeing no reaction from Jiang Yan, Jiang Yao slowly turned her back, her expression gradually growing anxious as she suddenly hugged Jiang Yan tightly: “Sister, I’m a bit scared. What if he regains his memories? What if he is still trapped in the identity of his dark squad leader? We would have nowhere to go!”
“Don’t be afraid, Sister Wan and I will protect you well.” Jiang Yan was taken aback for a moment and then smiled.
“You’re still smiling!”
Jiang Yao’s anger flared again as she directly hit Jiang Yan’s arm.
Jiang Yan shook her head, her smile unwavering: “Xiao Yao, your temper is starting to resemble some girls more and more…”
“So what if it does? I used to have to tread carefully with everyone, always reading their expressions, afraid they wouldn’t like me, bully me, or discriminate against me. Now, I’m not afraid at all; I’ll do whatever I want. Who would still look down on me!?”
Jiang Yao blurted out, angrily venting, and a few seconds later, when she looked up at Jiang Yan, her face turned red again.
After all, if you continue to be so close to him, he will eventually remember everything, and he might even know about us from before…
At this point, Jiang Yao got stuck, her lips moved several times but couldn’t say the last half-sentence.
Xiao Yao, has actually been using her current identity to fight back against the past world that hurt her… Jiang Yan suddenly felt a bit choked up inside and couldn’t help but touch Jiang Yao’s arm again: “I understand what you mean. Don’t overthink it; just go to sleep.”
I took a short nap earlier. I’m going to do the night study subject of the Aletai lineage; you don’t have to wait for me.
Jiang Yao pushed Jiang Yan’s hand away, turned around, and began changing out of her nightgown.
Silently watching Jiang Yao’s back as she turned away, Jiang Yan suddenly felt an inexplicable gap had quietly formed between them.
Time was approaching midnight. After experiencing that brief, disorienting nightmare, Meng Huai found it difficult to fall asleep again.
The room was empty; even Dr. Lu and the two nurses were not present. According to the leader of Hyacinth, Dr. Lu’s treatment methods had little significance for his condition now; he could only slowly adjust himself moving forward.
Getting out of bed, Meng Huai walked to the balcony, looking at the sparsely lit small square of Hyacinth Villa.
In the direction of the waterfall and pool in the distance, there was a silhouette sitting. At this distance, it was difficult to see the face, and no aura could be sensed. However, the figure’s outline seemed familiar; it was that inexplicably hostile person towards him—Jiang Yao, Jiang Yan’s sister.
Fifteen minutes later, Meng Huai quietly appeared at the waterfall pool, silently watching the light golden-haired girl sitting on a large rock, who was meditating with her eyes closed.
Her aura was very faint; she seemed to have injected internal and external hormone suppressants, but the suppressed fierce and rebellious emotions still made Meng Huai cautious.
“Meng Huai, you’re quite excited today. What are you doing here again?”
Seeming to sense someone, especially the uncomfortable presence of Black Blood Clan impurities, Jiang Yao opened her eyes, her expression displeased.
Meng Huai thought for a moment and asked softly, “Did you know me before?”
Jiang Yao jumped off the large rock, shot Meng Huai a glare, her tone unfriendly: “I wish I didn’t know you; only my sister considers you precious.”
“I’m sorry.” Meng Huai took two steps back and turned to leave.
“Hey, Meng Huai, if your memories recover, will you still be good to my sister?”
Suddenly, Jiang Yao called out to Meng Huai’s back. Even she didn’t know why she would ask such a question.
“She saved me, whether in the world of dreams or in the present world.”
Meng Huai did not turn back, replying sharply.
The clock struck midnight, and in the bedroom, Wan Yue, who had been pretending to sleep, slowly opened her beautiful eyes.
Staring blankly at the copy of “The Song of Youth” beside her, Wan Yue gently shook her head, a faint bitter smile appearing on her face.
“Jiang Yan, I’m sorry. I need a fully awake Meng Huai to accept Hyacinth; long pain is worse than short pain… How important it is for me to tackle this hard challenge.”
I know, you and he are not really a love story; you just pity him, sympathize with him, and want to help him escape his suffering… How can your inner obsession be any lighter than his inner demons…
After finishing, Wan Yue tossed her arm forward, and the book flew to the floor of the bedroom, seemingly stirring feelings of aversion.
