“I really don’t understand why you said that…”
“Haha…”
Leaving the boss’s office with the Commander, I was venting my frustrations.
Even though I’m basically the boss’s daughter, that was crossing the line just a bit.
I mean, the Commander isn’t even my boyfriend… and condoms…
“Sigh…”
“Don’t be too angry. Well, um…”
“…I get it. I know why you’re worried.”
I did understand. As a boss, it’s natural to be concerned when his daughter is sharing a room with a charming guy around the same age—there’s a real “what if” vibe going on.
But that didn’t make it any easier for me to accept.
“Sigh…”
“I should have been clearer when I said no. I’m sorry.”
“Commander, why are you apologizing? It’s just that the boss made a strange misunderstanding.”
“Still, you must have felt awkward.”
“…That’s true, but it doesn’t mean you should apologize. You didn’t say anything inappropriate in the first place.”
I knew the Commander hadn’t done anything wrong.
I was just… embarrassed.
Maybe “awkward” would be a better word than “embarrassed.”
Regardless of what the boss said, getting tangled up in that kind of situation with the Commander just felt really difficult.
The Commander clearly had no such thoughts, and I didn’t either, but we couldn’t just let it slide as normal.
Without realizing it, my voice had gotten higher, and I was getting flustered.
Not in a sexual way, but in another sense.
“…I’ll make it clear…”
“…Yeah.”
“…And I’m sorry. Yes…”
“You don’t have to apologize, just stop looking so guilty.”
“…Yes.”
But I couldn’t help feeling apologetic.
The Commander was probably thinking of me as just his vice commander, and nothing more.
Why hear strange stories like that…
“…I’ll pay for dinner tonight.”
“Suddenly?”
“Just… I want to treat you.”
Usually, I would’ve been covering the costs with the Commander’s money.
Feeling a mix of guilt and gratitude, I decided I would take care of it this time.
Sure, there was a big difference between the Commander’s salary and mine, but I thought it was only natural to express gratitude for his constant generosity.
A beast with black hair who doesn’t know how to appreciate… well, technically it’s blonde.
Anyway, it was just a way to repay him.
“…I’m really sorry for…”
“I told you, it’s fine…”
*
When I got tangled with the Commander like that, it felt different from before.
If I had been wrapped up with the Commander back then, I definitely would have felt a different mood today and wouldn’t have been as flustered.
I probably would’ve laughed it off, insisting, “That’s absurd!”
“………”
Have I become less resistant to such things compared to before?
The psychological distance between the Commander and me had certainly closed, but it felt separate from that.
I wasn’t furious or disgusted about being involved with him.
Of course, that didn’t mean I had any romantic feelings for the Commander.
He was a man, after all.
“Commander.”
“What is it?”
“…It’s nothing.”
The Commander just thought of me as his vice commander.
I was going to ask if he had someone to reach out to, just like he had done with me before.
But I hesitated.
There was really no need to bring it up.
I didn’t even understand why I was having such thoughts in the first place.
“…Ah.”
“Why are you suddenly… getting up?”
“…I just remembered something.”
While lying on the bed, something suddenly popped into my mind.
I should have dealt with it the moment I walked into the room; I didn’t know why I hadn’t acted on it.
But now that I remembered, I decided to take care of it quickly.
“…?”
As soon as I got up from the bed, I stood next to the side table.
I had no idea why the boss put that kind of item here, but it was better to deal with it than to leave it lying around.
-Creak…
“…Sigh.”
“Ah.”
The Commander and I focused on the object I had pulled out.
A condom.
“…Sigh.”
“…Hmm.”
No matter how I thought about it, it was ridiculous.
What on earth made them think I’d need to use this?
Did they actually think that I, hanging around the Commander, was the type to engage in such activities?
Not at all!
While there had been moments between the Commander and me, we were absolutely not that close.
Since that day, the Commander hadn’t mentioned a word about it, and we had just been going about our lives… probably as normally as we could.
“Please throw this in the trash…”
“…Got it.”
“……..”
To be honest, it was my first time seeing a condom in person.
Of course, a man living alone wouldn’t have a need for it, and even after becoming a woman…
I hadn’t seen anything like it.
Besides, that day, we ended up doing it without using it anyway…
“…Sigh.”
In so many ways, it was absurd and surreal, but I couldn’t change it.
So the Commander took the condom I tossed over and threw it in the trash.
I never thought I’d have a conversation like this with a man.
I hadn’t even seen a condom when I was a man, and now here I was seeing one after becoming a woman.
It was funny in a bizarre way, too.
“Lindera?”
“Yes.”
“…Are you feeling very tired?”
“I’m not… tired.”
Since my expression must have looked bad, the Commander suddenly became concerned about me.
But I definitely wasn’t feeling unwell or anything like that.
I just felt awkward and dumb in that moment.
Even so, I didn’t mind the Commander’s concern.
“…If the boss says anything strange again, let me know. I’ll handle it.”
“Does the boss really have anything to say to me?”
“He might say something odd like today.”
Just in case.
It really felt like the boss might suddenly blurt out something strange again, just like today.
The boss wasn’t someone who was quiet and reserved; he actually loved to chat and usually had a lot to say.
So worrying about that possible situation wasn’t totally unwarranted.
But if the boss really did suddenly say something weird about me to the Commander…
“…Please let me know.”
“Sometimes it seems like you treat me like a child…”
“…I’m just worried about you, don’t take it badly.”
It wasn’t that I disliked the Commander; it was concern and care from him.
“I know that, so you can relax a little.”
“Yes.”
I couldn’t continue that line of conversation with the Commander’s smile.
Sometimes the Commander seemed surprisingly positive.
Even now, he might personally dislike it, but he was saying not to worry while smiling.
It made me think he was a genuinely good person.
I had been worried that the Commander might be in a bad mood because of me and the boss, but he casually treated me.
“……..”
In many ways, I found myself envious.
If the Commander was in a situation like mine, would he have just carried on like nothing happened?
He wouldn’t have any of those nonsensical hangups, and he’d maintain normal private relationships with others.
Wouldn’t that be the case?
Even now, I couldn’t even recognize or hear the names of the people around me…
“Sigh.”
“Stop sighing. Later when you’re old you won’t be able to…”
“Won’t I become ugly?”
“For that, I think you’ll still be pretty even when you get older.”
“…Stop saying strange things.”
If I could think like that too, it would really be great.
When I was worried about the Commander, I don’t think I had that kind of attitude.
I was worried he might get diabetes and die quickly…
I hadn’t been thinking about positive things while worrying.
“By the way, are we just going to stay cooped up in this room until dinner? Even though I don’t know if I should go sightseeing or not.”
“The founding party is starting in a few days. I just want to lie around.”
Honestly, it wasn’t just about having time to kill.
Comparing myself to the Commander made me feel just a bit miserable.
I felt like it was the first time I had such a strong feeling.
I’d never thought about the Commander like this while just hanging out with him.
I had just thought he was a guy who got his work done adequately, improved a bit lately, and played games day in and day out after work—just that kind of person.
Since leaving the ship we used to live on, it had already been over a week, and perhaps because we had been talking so consistently, I started remembering parts of him I hadn’t thought of before.
“Should I just turn off the lights then?”
“…No. You’re going to be here, right?”
“Well, if you’re uncomfortable, you can go out for a bit…”
“…That won’t do.”
I answered that reflexively due to the Commander’s remark.
I wasn’t going to say he shouldn’t step outside, but… I just didn’t want to be alone.
“…What if you go out and get lost?”
“Is that so?”
“…Yes. Just leave the curtains open and take it easy.”
That didn’t really make sense, but the Commander understood it.
I was somehow taken aback by how easily he accepted my nonsense, but he went along with it.
If the Commander had told me to stay inside and not go out, I probably would’ve…
Probably stayed.
Not for any particular reason, but since the Commander told me not to go outside, there was really no need for me to.
If I really needed to go out, I would have.
“…For dinner, let’s go out and eat something delicious.”
“Alright, let’s go with what you like.”
“No, let’s go with what you like, Commander. I already said I’m treating.”
Even though I had seen a few sights, I was literally stopped from going out to see more.
I figured it was only right to decide on dinner based on what the Commander liked.
“But why are you staring at me like that? You’ve been doing it since earlier.”
Was I really staring at the Commander continuously?
I didn’t know.
I was just chatting while looking around the room and then my gaze happened to fall on the Commander.
He was resting comfortably on the sofa by the window.
After all, the Commander was looking my way while we were talking, so it didn’t seem particularly strange.
“………”
Probably.
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