I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling.
It was a place that was neither my personal room nor the Commander’s personal room.
And what accompanied me was a familiar hangover-induced headache and memories of yesterday.
“Commander… that… huff… h-hah… ♥”
“If you keep doing that…!”
“Huff… I’ll go away…!”
“……..”
Damn it.
Some very wrong memories started to float to the surface.
I had no idea why I had done such a thing.
Well, it must have been something I did while drunk.
But one thing was clear…
“……..”
I was completely naked, and the Commander sleeping next to me was also in the same state.
“Shit…”
I can’t believe I mixed my body with a man.
Even when I was a man, I had never been intimate with a woman or even kissed one.
I was your typical virgin, so to speak.
But the problem was that I wasn’t that anymore.
Down below… as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I definitely felt something stirring differently, and my clothes were scattered on the floor.
How the hell did we end up in this motel room, both of us undressed, like that…
Honestly, I would’ve preferred if my memory had just gone blank; it would’ve been better.
“You crazy… girl…”
Covering my face with both hands wouldn’t change reality, but I really couldn’t handle how intense this moment of clarity was.
Of course, I had plenty of moments of clarity yesterday…
“Why the hell did this happen…?”
“Commander… it got really big… ♥”
“…….”
“Are you… excited…?”
“Stop saying weird things… let’s just sleep…”
“Hey…!”
Ah.
Shit.
“…suicide.”
Yeah, that seems about right.
It might be best to just end it all cleanly, hanging myself or something to stop these thoughts.
No matter how I think about it, I can’t say yesterday’s actions were just due to being drunk.
It felt like I really lost my mind.
If it wasn’t for that… there’s no way I would have done something like that.
“Ghh…”
I was more hungover than anything else.
Why on earth did I pull that stunt yesterday?
Why did I suddenly act in such a… bitchy way towards the Commander, creating this mess?
I couldn’t understand it at all.
I had no reason to act like that towards the Commander.
As I was squeezing my brain trying to think, I heard rustling next to me.
“…….”
“…….”
And our eyes met.
Those familiar black eyes and that annoyingly handsome face.
For some reason, the moment our gazes locked, I forced mine downwards… but I couldn’t help it.
I was embarrassed.
“Did you wake up…?”
“…for now.”
“…….”
I almost wished he hadn’t woken up.
Seriously, when I was already in a state full of thoughts.
Things weren’t even sorted out, yet here woke up the Commander.
“……..”
“……..”
We didn’t say anything.
We didn’t do anything, we just lay still in bed.
I was embarrassed, and the Commander didn’t know.
Honestly… all I could think about was how much I wanted to die.
Why did I act so lovey-dovey towards a man and did those things as if nothing was wrong?
“The thing from yesterday…!”
“…?”
“It’s nothing… really… nothing happened…”
Shit.
I want to die.
I felt so embarrassed I could truly just disappear.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this humiliated in my life, and to face such shame today…
I never imagined I’d struggle this much with yesterday’s memories.
If only my memory had gone blank… I wouldn’t have been this frantic or thought of any of this.
But the problem was that I remembered everything from yesterday.
“Please, don’t tell anyone else this…”
“About yesterday…?”
“D-Don’t talk about it… please…”
“…got it.”
“……..”
Is it right to think of this as a relief?
I don’t even know.
The Commander didn’t ask anything further and just accepted my words cleanly.
But can I really trust him to keep that promise?
Even after hearing that, I couldn’t feel at ease.
“…….”
And then came the silence again.
I hated this silence so much, but there was nothing I could do, so I just stayed quiet.
“…Ah.”
“…?”
“Could you please turn around a bit? I need to get dressed…”
“…got it.”
Shit.
I seriously wanted to curse out loud, but it wouldn’t be right in front of the Commander.
So, the Commander obeyed and turned away.
Seeing that, I got out of bed and walked straight towards my clothes.
“Hah…”
Is it because I’m completely naked, wearing neither clothes nor underwear?
Just walking toward the clothes on the floor was sending strange feelings through my body.
-Drip…
“…?”
Suddenly, I felt something dripping down below.
When I checked, it was something white flowing down my thigh…
“Did you… do something?”
“Ah.”
“Please don’t look over here…!”
I quickly turned towards the Commander and asked, who then turned his head away immediately.
Of course, showing my body was incredibly embarrassing!
Sure, I did much worse yesterday, but still, showing my naked self while sober was risky.
“…Just answer as you are.”
“I was going to take it off…”
“Were you…?”
“You kept moving your legs…”
Ah.
Shit.
This is ridiculous.
In the past, I would’ve called someone like that a crazy person.
Back then, it made sense.
But now… drunk, I snuggled up to a man and started flirting with him.
Was it really right to call myself a man?
In my personal room’s bed, I was murmuring to myself like that.
“Should I really just end it…?”
Seriously.
“How could I have… done that with a man… especially him…!”
What upset me the most wasn’t that I did it at all; it was the fact that I did it with the Commander.
I was doing just fine living an ordinary life, but when I got drunk, I made this incident.
The fact that he was my superior added to the problem, but he was someone I had spent a lot of time with and was comfortable with.
How am I supposed to work in the office now?
No matter how much I think about it, I can’t come up with a solution.
“Shit… what the hell am I supposed to do…”
Should I quit?
No, that seems a bit risky.
This world isn’t exactly safe, warm, or stable; throwing away a stable job would be something only a fool would do.
I did something dumber, but it didn’t warrant my life forfeit.
“First… I need to keep my mouth shut…”
What else do I need to do?
For some reason, I kept feeling discomfort down there, making it hard to think.
How rough did it get last night?
Of course, I may have seduced…
“Shit.”
Should I really consider ending my life?
The memories of last night were flooding back, making me feel like I might lose it.
“Ah… Commander… just a little more… hahn…”
Shit.
“This crazy girl…”
What the hell was wrong with me…
I’m not a bitch or a pervert.
Why did I make such requests?
Honestly, I hadn’t even done anything normal, but I felt like the Commander has some blame in that too…
Probably not my fault, right?
“I barely even drank at the bar… why did I go along with it…?”
The Commander hadn’t drunk much either, but why did he respond to such requests?
He initially rejected it, but in the end, he kept… behind me, in front of me, just non-stop…
“…crazy.”
I genuinely didn’t want to remember, so why did those memories keep coming back?
They say you can’t deny the facts.
Is that really true?
The more I tried to forget, the more those thoughts kept returning. It was truly… not easy.
What the hell was going through my mind being so close to a man…
Sure, the Commander is a good person, but I have never thought of him in that way, not once so far.
“Hah…”
Why was I so clingy to the Commander?
Drunk me.
“…Maybe the Commander is more normal than I thought.”
Actually, with a clearer mind, I didn’t think he did anything too wrong.
Objectively, Lindera is pretty attractive.
No, I am… attractive.
Both my face and figure are on a level that can’t just be called ordinary…
It may seem conceited, but it is true.
With blonde hair and blue eyes, and a body that’s definitely beyond average…
“Hah… shit…”
But still, the fact that I ended up like this with the Commander was driving me insane.
It’s not that I disliked him, but to do such a thing while drunk was undeniably a big issue.
“Commander, you really… kissed me, didn’t you?”
I don’t think I could’ve imagined all the first experiences happening in just one night.
Do you think this is logical?
Generally, even if things escalate, shouldn’t both parties hold back a little for each other…?
Except we were both drunk, of course.
The Commander was probably a healthy adult man who couldn’t hold back…
Just thinking about the size of what was in his pants this morning made me gasp…
“…Is it natural that I’m hurting right now?”
Other than for relieving myself, I had never used that area.
With something that big shoved in, of course it would hurt.
At this point, I was honestly just blank.
When I first woke up in that motel, my mind was completely gone.
Now, I was just letting out hollow laughter.
“…Haha.”
I’ve never had a girlfriend, let alone my first kiss; I’d never thought I’d experience it all as a woman.
Just because I had become a woman, it didn’t mean I planned to do such things — that’s how I lived.
If I had thought about it, I might have played around a lot more with this hot body.
I could count my experiences on one hand.
And yet, being completely taken advantage of last night…
“…At least it was safe.”
Yeah, that might have been the only good thing.
At least it could’ve been worse; it was an accident that happened while I was drunk, and it didn’t pose any danger.
“…How will I get to work tomorrow?”
Now this was the most important thing.
Continuing to sigh alone in the room wasn’t my fault.
Definitely.
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