When I first heard the news about Na-yeon and Jae-seong’s wedding, I was as happy as if it were my own. No exaggeration, it was truly that way.
Marriage is a truly great blessing. My mother once said that when she had her wedding with my father, it felt like she owned the world.
Feeling envious that Na-yeon would feel that way so soon, I couldn’t help but think how I’ve finally reached such fruition, warmth blossoming in my chest.
On the flip side, I also thought about how I wanted to reach that same fruition with Uju soon.
But as that thought filled my mind, it was quickly replaced by guilt and powerlessness.
‘Here I am, unable to tell even a single secret properly, dreaming vain dreams instead.’
Of course, everyone has at least one secret. In a sense, Uju’s trauma could also be considered a secret. I’m not belittling it.
It’s just that the secret I have yet to reveal to Uju is of a slightly different nature.
When my identity and position were revealed, I feared Uju wouldn’t see me as just a pure fan anymore, but as “Director Ryu Seo-ha.”
Staying in the chat window, pouring out my worries and recounting my day, wanting to remain as the ordinary viewer “CosmoAlwaysProtects,” that would have been the worst outcome.
So, I kept it a secret. I always wanted to remain just as Ryu Seo-ha to Uju.
However, while that may have been a suitable element or secret to approach Uju, in our current situation, where we’re just one step away from understanding each other’s feelings, it became self-sabotage.
Indeed.
I was a bad woman who approached Uju from the beginning while full of lies.
‘Meanwhile, Uju came to me, overcoming their own trauma.’
I still vividly remember Uju gazing into the camera with determined eyes during the broadcast, expressing apologies and gratitude while revealing their true feelings to me.
Compared to that, what am I? Just how inadequate am I?
Here I am, the one who approached first, yet I’m occupying time with the foolish words of ‘please wait a moment’ to a man who’s trying to hold my hand late in the game.
‘Seriously, I hate this.’
With a sudden rush of emotion, I curled my body up, wrapping my arms around my legs, causing the hot water in the tub to spill out. The thought that it might somehow reflect Uju’s feelings for me made the bitterness surge within me.
A woman who’s always saying to wait, Uju probably would lose interest in me.
The mixture of contempt for myself for wasting time while leaning on that kindness and a little hope that Uju might understand because they’re so kind, rose up like a haze.
At that moment, I wanted to tell Uju.
Let’s make sure to convey our invitation card to Na-yeon and Jae-seong too.
What would Uju have reacted like? They would surely have smiled, right? And would say, just like usual, that we should definitely do it.
“I’m sorry, Uju.”
As I repeated the uncommunicated apology in my mind, I softly closed my eyes.
When will it be? The day I’ll be able to believe in myself.
When will it be? The day you no longer have to continue this foolish waiting.
When will it be?
It might be the day when I can confidently say I love you and ask you to stay with me forever, with a slightly childish confession.
*
Finally, the day of Park Jae-seong’s wedding arrived.
As planned, I attended with Older Sister Seo-ha. Originally, My Older Sister was supposed to come with us, but she had to rush to the U.S., so it ended up being just the two of us after receiving the wedding gift.
Since our parents had known Jae-seong for quite a long time, they seemed to ponder whether or not to come, but in the end, we decided I would go alone.
Jae-seong and his parents also advised against troubling both of them unnecessarily.
【Older Sister – Make sure to congratulate them!】
【Older Sister – Don’t forget the wedding gift!】
【Me – I got it!】
After checking the messages from my Older Sister, I put my phone in my pocket and got out of the car. Older Sister Seo-ha, who sat in the passenger seat, did the same.
“The venue is bigger than I expected.”
“Right? Looks like Uncle and Aunt took a lot of care with it.”
Older Sister Seo-ha and I shared the same thought. The venue where the ceremony would take place was indeed quite spacious. Of course, the true size would only be known after going inside.
“Have you known Jae-seong’s parents for a while?”
“Since elementary school, we were friends. Plus, they knew my situation well, so they took great care of me.”
Elementary school, when I was going through tough times and was transitioning into sixth grade, was when Jae-seong approached me.
He was the kind of kid who acted like he didn’t care about others’ opinions, boldly coming up to me, who was always alone in class, and offering his hand.
Later, that became a reason others tried to exclude Jae-seong too, but unlike me, he could handle himself pretty well, so they didn’t dare mess with him.
Thanks to him, I managed to get through sixth grade with at least one friend, enough courage to enter middle school.
If it weren’t for him, I might have given up on going to middle school, or who knows, might have made an extreme choice. He’s that much of a treasured friend to me.
Of course, I could never say such embarrassing things in front of a boy, though.
“They must be really nice people.”
“Exactly. Back in middle school, when Jae-seong had a game console at his house, I loved it so much that I would often visit, and they even bought him a new one for me.”
That memory still shines brightly in my mind. That day was definitely my birthday.
Since my parents were working, they had a hard time celebrating my birthday. Gifts were fine, but I hardly remember having a separate party.
So, initially thinking it would be just another ordinary day, I planned to hang out with Jae-seong at my place when he suggested stopping by his house first.
And then, his mom gifted me a game console, thanking me for being friends with Jae-seong.
I remember crying not because of the gift, but because her warm words touched my heart so much. Jae-seong just laughed at me that day.
“They are such great people. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Me too. It’s been a while since I’ve properly greeted them.”
Smiling at each other, we entered the elevator heading to the second floor. The lobby was already quite spacious, and when we arrived on the second floor where the ceremony was held, it felt even larger.
“Should we give the wedding gift separately?”
“Since we need to leave a record for the guest list, it’s probably better that way.”
“Yeah, let’s do that.”
Older Sister picked up the envelope and put some money she had brought in her handbag, writing her name on the guest list. I didn’t know how much she put, but I assumed it was an appropriate amount.
I did the same, writing my name on the envelope, placing the gift inside, and went over to someone who was acting as the groomsman and handed them the envelope. This person was unfamiliar, but I figured they were probably a relative of Jae-seong.
“Thank you for coming.”
“Not at all.”
As I waved my hand to the person expressing gratitude, Older Sister and I slowly started looking for Jae-seong.
Technically, Na-yeon is my friend, so I could certainly go in to meet her, but something about that place felt like a forbidden zone, making it hard to step in. It would be a different story if my Older Sister were to go in alone.
“Uju!”
“Oh? Auntie!”
“Oooh, it’s been a while, Uju.”
“Uncle too…!”
As I was scanning the area, a familiar voice caught my attention, and turning around, I saw Jae-seong’s parents heading my way.
Despite not having seen them in a long time, they still welcomed me like their own son, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
“It’s been a while since I’ve greeted you. I’m sorry for not coming to see you sooner.”
“You’ve been busy, so no need to apologize. By the way, I’ve heard a lot about you from Jae-seong. I hear your broadcasts are doing quite well these days?”
“Haha, did Jae-seong mention that? Thankfully, it seems to be going alright.”
While I was exchanging greetings with his mom, I suddenly noticed Older Sister Seo-ha standing next to me.
Ah, right. I needed to introduce her first.
“Ah, this is my Older Sister, Ryu Seo-ha. She’s my manager…”
Should I say “girlfriend” here? I hesitated for a moment.
Given that my Older Sister had asked me to wait just a bit longer, I worried that saying something like that might upset her.
But the moment our eyes met, I felt a fleeting shadow cross her face, prompting me to add hurriedly.
“…and my girlfriend. She’s two years older than me.”
“Hello, I’m Ryu Seo-ha. I’ve heard so much about you.”
With a calm demeanor, Older Sister Seo-ha bowed slightly and gave a polite greeting.
It seemed I hadn’t made a mistake.
“Oh my, Uju finally has a girlfriend, huh? With that face, being single is a crime. A crime!”
“Oh my, your girlfriend is quite lovely too. Please take good care of our Uju.”
Even though it was an introduction to Jae-seong’s parents, the atmosphere felt strangely like a formal meeting. It meant they treated me like their own son.
“By the way, where’s Jae-seong?”
“Oh, he should be over there with the relatives for a moment. He’ll come soon, so make sure to greet him.”
“Sure thing. Oh, here he comes.”
As they say, speak of the devil; just as I finished my sentence, I spotted Jae-seong in a tuxedo approaching from a distance, causing me to smile.
Wow, he’s really dressed to impress for the wedding.
“Uju, when you and Seo-ha have your ceremony one day, you should dress like that. It’ll suit you.”
“Haha, really?”
As I watched Jae-seong walk over, his mom nudged me with her elbow and said something that made me smile inadvertently.
Thinking about marriage with Older Sister Seo-ha truly felt like a dream, yet it’s what I wish for the most. Although I’m currently in a position to wait, one day, it will surely happen.
“Sister, let’s go greet him together.”
“Uh, okay. Let’s go.”
Holding hands with Older Sister, I made my way toward Jae-seong.
For a brief moment, I thought I saw a hint of darkness in her expression, but I brushed it off as just my imagination.
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.
