Since my first meeting with Older Sister Seo-ha, there has been one lingering question.
Why on earth does this person treat me so well?
At first, I thought about this vaguely. Simply put, they’re a fan of mine. I rationalized it as something a fan could do within reason.
However, looking back now, that was not really rationalization. There were enough reasons to understand it. At that time, I was just a small-time streamer who had heard someone call themselves my fan for the first time.
So, even though I felt a lump in my throat at the thought that a fan could do this much for someone they like, I never misinterpreted it in another direction.
No, I tried hard not to. Maybe that was my own way of coping.
At the moment I thought, ‘What if?’ I felt like I could no longer see this person as just a fan. Ryu Seo-ha was that charming of a woman.
‘That can’t be true.’
So, I would often mutter to myself and tried to look away.
I knew it was a cowardly act, and even if I got scolded, I knew I had no words to defend myself, yet I didn’t want to face it.
I thought if I built a fence between the positions of fan and streamer, and we just waved at each other while looking into each other’s eyes, the things I feared wouldn’t happen.
– Uju, how about having lunch together here tomorrow? I hear there’s a lot of food you like.
– I’m feeling a bit sleepy… Uju, can I expect you for a bit?
– I just feel a bit sad about falling asleep so I thought maybe I could talk to you a little more before I go.
But Older Sister Seo-ha would cross that fence at every opportunity and reach out her hand to me. The defenses I had built meant nothing in front of such a bold person.
Every time those actions stacked up in my memory, the fence I had tried so hard to create began to crumble.
Now, even if I turned my head, I could see Older Sister Seo-ha’s face everywhere. In the clouds, the sky, the distant mountains, and even in the stones rolling on the ground, nothing was not her.
That being said, it wasn’t that I was trying to ignore Older Sister Seo-ha’s feelings because I disliked her.
No, to be precise, I liked her. I was grateful. Perhaps, my feelings weren’t too different.
When I first joined the company and recommended Older Sister Seo-ha, it must also have come from the same impulse to be with Ryu Seo-ha, and when I ate good food somewhere, her face came to mind.
Still, I couldn’t readily grasp her hand because I lacked the courage.
Older Sister Seo-ha always said she wanted to let me know how great a person I am to her, even if it meant she had to lay out her heart.
Every time she said that, I thought.
I never wanted to show how shabby and weak I am in reality while acting all cool on my broadcasts. Surely, the streamer Cosmo and the person Kang Woo-joo are very different, I believed.
However, it didn’t take long for that thought to collapse.
Recently, Older Sister Seo-ha said something that greatly helped clear up my misunderstanding.
– I just wanted to be that kind of person for Uju. Someone who can show their weaknesses fully.
I remember it precisely, without a single misstep. And the moment I heard that, it felt like I was hit in the head with a hammer.
What a foolish thinking it was. This person wanting to know my past wasn’t to establish certainty in her heart.
She was already prepared to embrace all my weaknesses, my inadequacies, and all my shabby parts.
Yet, the reason she wanted to hear about my hidden past was simply that she wanted to be assured of her own worth in my eyes.
Not the me in her heart, but the existence of her in my heart.
Realizing this, a wave of guilt and embarrassment flooded over me.
What a foolish crime had I committed against this grateful person?
If there’s a way to atone for this sin, what could it possibly be?
‘Right.’
With that thought, I finally managed to straighten my mind.
There was only one way for me to express my simultaneous apology and gratitude to the person who conveyed her feelings so courageously and purely.
It might be a reckless choice, but I wanted to do it this way.
So, having made my decision, I called someone.
“Ah, Mr. Exit. How have you been? Actually, I’m contacting you regarding the collaboration we discussed last time…”
*
Lately, Uju has been acting strange.
Well, “strange” might be a bit strong; to put it simply, they’ve been doing unexpectedly sweet actions frequently.
“Older Sister, I’ll wait for you after the broadcast, so how about having a late-night snack together? I’ll make it.”
Out of nowhere, throwing such a sweet proposal.
“Oh, I thought you’d like this, so I brought it… how’s it? Do you like it?”
One day, they even surprised me by bringing an outfit as a surprise gift.
“Are you going to ruin your pretty face? Just give up.”
Now, they throw such comments right in front of me.
At this point, it feels like there’s a high-level operation aimed at stopping my heart. Every day is filled with surprises.
Somehow, it feels like the roles have reversed. Where did that shy Uju, who blushed at the mere touch of hands, go? Now it seems I’m the one being put on the spot.
Of course, that doesn’t mean I dislike this change. If asked, I’d clearly say I like it. It’s just that I’m a bit surprised by the suddenness.
Yet, amidst these happy days, there’s one worry; what if Uju has grown numb to my existence, allowing them to behave so freely?
You know, that thing where if you know someone for too long, even the excitement between the two can dull, and the relationship solidifies into something just like friendship?
Praying that isn’t the case, I was out walking with Uju today.
“So, Mr. Exit was the one who suggested the collaboration first?”
“That’s right. I was quite bewildered back then.”
As I mentioned the upcoming collaboration with a major streamer scheduled for next week, Uju responded with a wry smile, as if still in disbelief.
To be honest, I haven’t seen them myself, but I know Exit is one of the top three streamers in South Korea. Besides, I know Uju admired him even before becoming a streamer.
Collaborating with someone like that must be truly nostalgic.
“Mr. Exit recently revealed his face, so it should be fine.”
“Actually, we talked about having a drink together since he revealed his face, but I turned that down.”
“Why? That sounds like great content…”
I don’t think it’s so bad for two guys to drink and share honest conversations. Of course, it would be a bit awkward if one got completely wasted, but Uju isn’t the type to do that.
“Well, I just didn’t want to do it under the influence of alcohol.”
“Under the influence? What do you mean?”
Does he have some other content planned?
Curiosity piqued by Uju’s serious demeanor, I tilted my head.
“Let’s just say you’ll understand when you watch the broadcast.”
“What? Are you keeping secrets from me?”
“Come on, if you’re curious, just watch the broadcast. No spoilers allowed.”
As Uju shook their finger while mentioning the broadcast rules, my lips naturally pouted.
Come on, can’t you share just a little? I’m so curious.
“By the way, Older Sister, that outfit looks amazing on you. Did you just buy it?”
“Oh, you noticed? How did you know?”
Feeling a bit smug, I quickly perked up at Uju’s next words.
I don’t usually wear just one or two outfits, so how did he notice? Or maybe it just looks obviously new?
“It’s the same as the clothes you were browsing on your phone before.”
“Hmm, so that means you were looking through my phone?”
“No? I didn’t mean it like that…”
To avenging the prior remark, I poked Uju’s arm playfully, causing their face to flush as they awkwardly scratched their cheek.
Honestly, their reaction is amusing. The truth is, I don’t really care about such things.
“Hehe, I’m just joking. I’m actually thankful that you cared about me.”
“…You have a talent for making people’s hearts drop. It’s not surprising, but still.”
“I think I become more playful in front of Uju. I wasn’t like this before…”
It’s quite a strange change for someone like me, who never particularly enjoyed playing around. I would have been categorized as dull and boring. Honestly, I didn’t smile all that often.
Yet, just looking at this person makes me want to find reasons to tease and joke around, and I can’t help but smile. It’s truly remarkable.
“Me too.”
“Huh?”
As I was lost in thought and smiling, Uju suddenly nodded in agreement and looked down at me.
The atmosphere was quite different from the usual glances cast my way, and it felt like I could get lost in those eyes.
“I think you brought about many positive changes in me, Older Sister. So, I’m always grateful.”
“Ah… n-no need to say that.”
As Uju’s heartfelt words wrapped around me with a gentle smile, my heart began to race, and I instinctively looked away.
What are you doing, Ryu Seo-ha? It was such a nice moment! You should have just held his gaze! What if Uju misunderstands…!
Suddenly.
“…Huh?”
Trying to cool my flushed face, I raised my head, only to find something grasping my hand.
With a hint of hope, I slowly turned to look up and saw Uju, radiating an aura I had never seen before while holding my hand.
“Older Sister.”
“Y-yes?”
“Please be sure to watch the collaboration with Mr. Exit. Okay?”
Even though it wasn’t a particularly demanding request, Uju spoke with a certain firmness in their expression.
I was a bit startled but quickly composed myself, posing with my fist clenched, and spoke.
“Of course! I’m Uju’s manager, after all.”
Upon hearing that, Uju only nodded with a bittersweet smile.
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