“Is this… a diary?”
With simple curiosity, Ellie peered at the paper Jonah had been holding, her heart light.
*
Squeak!
“Stand up. The only thing you can do, you legless idiot, is that.”
Her drunken words were laced with mockery. However, that disdain was not directed at her crippled lover. It was a scorn directed at herself.
The truths she couldn’t confess to anyone had festered, turning into wounds that would destroy her.
Anger, lost and looking for an outlet, took form as violence. What she slapped was certainly his cheek, but this action was like self-harm.
He was still more precious to her than anything else.
Momentarily clasping his own cheek, he gazed at her blankly, then slowly nodded.
“Yeah.”
He didn’t know what she had experienced in the Hobgoblin village. But he did understand his own experiences.
A stench reminiscent of rotten onions. A face revealing shameless desires. Lecherous touches. Even under the influence of drink, his body responded, and at times, fearing violence, he had acted coy.
He hated himself.
He despised the fact that he had been tainted by the likes of a Hobgoblin, that his body could become aroused uncontrollably, and that he had to live a life of shame as a cripple, unable to walk on his own.
Therefore, her violence was always something he accepted as natural. If you do wrong, you get punished. Isn’t that a common sense?
He was in the process of atoning for his sins.
*
“…….”
Ellie was spellbound, flipping through the pages furiously as she read.
She skimmed through to the last page in an instant and, the shock hit her like a bucket of cold water, turning her complexion pale as she set the paper down.
It was a dreadful story.
It had certainly taken the form of erotic literature, and while the sexual scenes were violent, they were just enough to be a bit arousing.
But beyond that, it made her feel filthy.
A comfortable sludge. The foolishness of choosing destruction by one’s own hands. Twisted possessiveness. Deteriorating relationships. A body and mind succumbing to ruin. Late regrets.
And beneath it all, a sticky obsession clung like tar.
In a world influenced by the Goddess of Love, all kinds of sexual behavior were permitted. Simply judging by the level of explicitness, there were certainly even more extreme examples out there.
However, there was one unwritten rule. According to the Goddess of Love’s doctrine, it only depicted relationships that were consensual between both parties, no matter the circumstances.
From that perspective, how does Jonah’s writing fare?
‘It’s precarious.’
There was no instance of one side being forced against their will. It wasn’t a healthy relationship either, but still.
The woman unleashed her anger and frustration on the man through violence, and the man accepted it all, suffering in silence.
In the end, until the moment the self-loathing woman hung herself before him, the man never resented her.
This was merely a tale of jagged individuals who, by chance, found resonance with each other that strangled them both… unmistakably a story of love.
And at the same time, it was a clear love story.
‘I didn’t know Jonah had such talent.’
It was far too dark and uncomfortable, but nonetheless, in the end, the female lead and male lead resolved their misunderstandings and achieved a happy ending.
The writing itself was excellent. At least it wasn’t at the level of a novice.
Ellie was sure of it, having been a mad addict to erotic fiction who had read over 70 percent of what was on the market.
Yet, what weighed on her mind was not the tone of the writing, not that it was written by a minor, nor the intense play but…
The one who devoured the twilight had transformed into a Hobgoblin, and while their relationship was exaggeratedly distorted…
The very structure of the story bore a striking resemblance to Ellie and Jonah’s tale, which pricked at her heart.
‘Could Jonah have seen me like that? …No. The protagonist isn’t just the female lead.’
Ellie gazed down at Jonah’s face with a complex expression. He appeared to be sleeping soundly, perhaps exhausted from writing without rest since stepping out for a brief moment.
‘It’s not the female lead but the male lead. Not I, but his own projection…?’
The male lead in the story couldn’t escape his trauma until the very last moment. To him, he was still a filthy, worthless cripple tainted by the Hobgoblin.
And when Jonah had been the experiment of the One Who Devours the Twilight, Ellie knew the sorts of things that had been done to him.
Recently, she had also heard from Lydia that Jonah might have been of noble birth.
If he had been an orphan from a pitiful place like Pangrave, willing to gamble his life or sell his body just to survive, it might have been easier to digest.
But if Jonah had indeed been born with noble blood… had received appropriate education and proper notions of chastity…
Then the memories of being an experimental subject would undoubtedly have left him with monstrous trauma.
‘Even his usual reckless demeanor…’
People in desperation, throwing themselves around, are common sights in Pangrave.
After all, the employees working in Ellie’s shop hadn’t seemed to exhibit such vibes when she had first hired them.
Thud!
It felt as if a heavy stone had dropped on her chest for a moment.
Although she hadn’t heard it directly, considering how much she believed she knew about Jonah, the shock was all the greater.
“Haah…”
Though there was no stinging pain, she desperately needed some Mana Herb cigarettes.
Letting out a deep sigh, Ellie looked down at Jonah.
His remarkably delicate and soft pink hair was like silk. He was in the blossoming stage, midway through a young boy becoming a man.
His unguarded cheeks somehow looked particularly moist today…
Usually, Ellie would feel a fleeting stir of passion, but not now. Not at this moment—she simply couldn’t.
Perhaps Jonah wasn’t degrading himself like in the story. Even if he were, it might not be severe.
Yet, it was certain that such darkness lingered within his heart. Even so, he still believed he loved the world, believing with all his might that he could move toward a better future, which was blindingly beautiful.
“Oh.”
That was when Ellie realized why the Goddess of Love, who had been silent for a thousand years, showed interest in Jonah. Perhaps Karen’s words about him possibly being a saint began to resonate with her.
A candle during the day holds little value, but a candle in the pitch-dark night, without even moonlight, is the most precious of all.
Jonah was the same.
To speak of love in the face of despair… is the most beautiful thing of all.
A simple truth Ellie could understand even more, having shouted courage against the dark reality.
Slowly, she reached out toward the sleeping Jonah.
Affection. Guilt. Admiration. And empathy intertwined, trembling in her hand.
Gently, she stroked the round back of his head, and as her fingertips brushed against the sensation of his ear, Ellie involuntarily shivered. Then…
“Umm…”
Jonah, mumbling, rubbed his face against her.
That cat-like behavior caused Ellie to smile wryly.
“Hey, if you’re going to sleep, at least do it on the bed instead of slumping over the desk.”
With that, she gently lifted Jonah and hugged him tightly.
The presence of Jonah enveloped her, a lovely scent wafting around him. Even though he was young, there was oddly a solid structure and muscle.
Each detail stimulated Ellie, but ultimately, she refrained from making a move on Jonah.
At this moment, emotions other than lust took precedence… and more importantly, Ellie simply didn’t have the guts for it.
Cowardly yet kind-hearted, Ellie laid Jonah down on the bed and covered him with a blanket.
For some reason, a pile of dried Mana Herbs was hidden inside the blanket, but… it seemed not too significant, so she discreetly set it aside.
Then, she brought her lips close to Jonah’s forehead… only to stop short of such an embarrassing act and simply pressed their foreheads together.
After a while with their foreheads touching, Ellie slowly lowered her head.
“It’s okay now. It will be okay.”
Because Ellie herself would make it so.
With a faint smile, she turned off the room’s lamp and carefully slipped out the door, whispering softly into the small crack before closing it completely.
“Good night.”
Thus, the event Jonah had been eagerly anticipating did not transpire.
Only the Unicorn Dagger on the desk shimmered in the darkness.
*
“Gahh!”
As I woke up with a strange stiffness all over, I found myself lying in bed, covered with a blanket.
“What was I doing before I fell asleep yesterday…?”
My memory was a blur, so I focused hard to retrace my steps. I must have been writing… writing…
“Oh, I just fell asleep like that?”
Did I instinctively seek out the bed to collapse into? It was something that happens all the time when I write late into the night, so I knew it well.
My body was tired, but maybe it was worth it to have scrawled something after so long. My mind felt refreshingly clear.
“Humm, hmm~”
Singing a little tune, I headed downstairs.
However, contrary to my expectations, it was dark outside the window. Upon realizing, I had apparently slept the entire day away and only just woke up in the evening.
It seemed I simply had a prolonged sleep that made my body stiff.
…Well, lately, there had been lots of different happenings, so it had been about time a tiredness broke free. Was today that day?
Either way, I had cleared the first floor, and consolidating my response to the Pope, I had decided to be cautious for a few days, so it didn’t matter.
Today too, the first floor was bustling with the sounds of customers, and as I descended the stairs, I reveled in the noisy ambiance.
There, unlike yesterday, stood Ellie, fully back to her usual self.
Rough, ash-colored hair and wolf ears perked up, her empty right sleeve fluttering as she wore a fierce grin, playfully waving one hand.
“Awake, are you? I thought you were up here enjoying some secret time alone in your room since you slept so late.”
Just like that NTR play… I mean, that event? In any case, it seemed that was all behind us as she returned to her usual playful self.
I responded with a grin of my own.
“Eh, Ellie, being a maiden probably wouldn’t get that. Unlike women, men have a limited number of times, you know? Can’t do that for too long.”
“…Really? But in the books…”
“Those are just works of fiction. Besides, we mainly have the waiters doing the work, so we aren’t busy, right? Come here, I’ll give you a little sex education.”
Giggling, I stepped into the counter, causing Ellie to back away in fluster.
Despite everything, I really enjoyed this sort of everyday life. Just thinking that days like this might repeat for a while made me a little happy.
Boom!
That’s when I spotted a purple-haired little girl hopping up on the counter and looking down at me.
“Hey, are you the little packhorse Lydia mentioned?”
“…Why are you speaking so informally when you’re just a little kid?”
Confucianism switch ON!
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.
