Eliya found herself watching her younger self give Jude a kiss on the cheek.
“Ugh… so embarrassing….”
She said it in a dreamy haze.
She had never realized it until now.
But Jude was awake at that moment.
Wanting to hide from the embarrassment, but there was nowhere to escape.
Eliya felt her whole body flushing with shame.
Her face felt like it was on fire.
In her memories, Jude was flustered but still hugged the young Eliya again.
‘…….’
Looking back at the past, Eliya felt shy, then laughed, then cried.
Happy times.
Just seeing them made her whole body warm—peaceful childhood days.
She wanted to go back.
Wanted to turn back time.
To set everything right again, fix her mistakes, and be happy with him once more.
She had countless opportunities to do so, yet she ruined them all herself.
It was all her fault.
“I miss you….”
She wanted to see that smiling face again.
She wanted to be held in his reassuring arms.
Eliya quietly cried, then felt confusion wash over her.
‘…What is this feeling I have?’
Memories shared with him.
The colorful emotions she felt for him.
‘Were all those just fake? Simply illusions created by someone without real existence…?’
Time flowed in her memories.
Naturally, he began to hold feelings for her, feelings similar to her own.
More than mere affection.
But he held back, being considerate of her, and didn’t let it show recklessly.
Really a foolish person.
Time passed quickly.
The Knight’s grave, Bethany.
That day, when he ordered a deployment there.
“Your existence must hold me back.”
The harsh words Jude had heard.
And yet until the very end, he tried to have a conversation.
He didn’t blame her.
Then once more.
When Jude learned of the wrong information that he had killed her mother.
“I hate you so much.”
He scratched her with his sharp words.
Eliya saw that scene from Jude’s perspective.
Naturally, she could feel his emotions as well.
Even though it hurt, he wanted to resolve the misunderstanding.
He tried to communicate as rationally as possible, but she hid away, shutting her eyes and ears.
Even to the point of facing possible death against the Captain of the Royal Guards.
Jude was thinking of the unresolved misunderstanding between them.
‘Ah…’
Eliya sighed softly in his mind.
He didn’t want to kill her, nor did he kill Maria.
And he had thought of her just as much as she thought of him.
Why did this happen?
The cause was unknown.
Only the result remained.
She had ruined everything.
She trampled the perfectly growing Anemone and broke the safe cage.
It was all her fault.
‘I….’
Jude, bleeding and collapsed.
‘I hurt you….’
So deeply wounded he might not wake again.
‘I made you… like this….’
Eliya had grown differently from the person Jude knew.
It was entirely thanks to him.
He had become her color and her weakness.
If he died, it would be her doing.
Memories ended.
In thick emptiness, Eliya floated numbly.
Her mind was a jumbled mess.
The guilt and confusion were a chaotic storm.
It was all her fault that her mom got stabbed.
It was her fault that Jude was dying.
If only she had trusted him.
If only she had been a little more rational.
None of this would have happened.
And at the same time, she thought.
Who am I?
What is my true self, and what are my experiences in this fake world?
Then, suddenly, a thought came to her—Eliya’s unique way of thinking.
This world can be divided into what can be proven and what cannot.
If so.
Is this world itself real, and can I prove that I am a real being?
…No, I cannot.
Even knowing the world she experienced was fake, nothing changed.
She was still a sinner.
She didn’t want to run away just because it was fake.
Amidst the chaos, she reflected on her regrets when a beam of ivory-colored light flew in.
‘You….’
A firefly.
The child who had once visited her cage.
The one who had led her to Judas Defecit’s memories.
The firefly gently landed on her finger.
“I’m sorry….”
She carefully cradled the light in her hands.
The firefly didn’t run away.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry….”
Eliya cried pitifully.
The words of apology squeezed through her choked throat, barely escaping.
Lonely apologies floated in the black void, with no one to hear them.
After barely stopping her tears, she looked up.
And everywhere in the emptiness, light twinkled.
The golden light illuminating the universe contained memories—Eliya’s memories.
As a result of reading and accepting Judas Defecit’s memories, she began to understand the void.
‘…….’
Eliya gazed dazedly at the dark yet radiant universe.
But just for a moment.
She couldn’t stay here forever.
She had to go back.
To support Jude outside.
Even if she were fake.
“I’m leaving….”
Eliya gently reached her hand to release the firefly.
“I hope to see you again….”
She wanted to see it, but would she?
A promise she couldn’t guarantee slipped from her lips.
She managed to swallow her last words and exited Jude’s mind.
The firefly watched her leave and remembered.
And then, it moved on in another direction.
Flying through the pitch-black universe.
It might seem like there’s nothing, but that’s not true.
The firefly, the master of this place, can see the shining gold hidden in the darkness.
Brilliantly shining warm memories.
A world filled with Eliya.
Time passed and passed again.
Even if it was her world, she didn’t know everything about it.
She didn’t know if there was an end here, but she headed towards an outer edge far from the center.
There, a mass of slow-moving darkness existed.
Upon entering, the interior resembled a theater.
On stage, two men were present.
Jude and Cain.
The memory of Jude killing Cain kept repeating.
A boy sat in the audience.
The firefly perched next to him.
The ivory light transformed into a human shape.
Judas Defecit appeared suddenly.
Seated, he called out to the boy.
“Jude.”
“…….”
“You’re Jude, right?”
A young boy.
Jude looked up at him and nodded.
“…Yes.”
“Alright.”
Judas sighed deeply as he looked at the weary boy.
“Before you leave, let’s have a chat.”
Judas sat beside Jude.
Jude said nothing and continued watching the stage.
The moment Cain’s neck was sliced repeated endlessly.
Judas waited a moment before attempting to start the conversation.
In this place, far from their inner worlds.
Jude had been hiding here, reflecting on that memory.
“Do you like that moment?”
“…Yes. It’s the moment when the price was rightly paid.”
“Yeah. Honestly, it feels good to me too. Those bastards who tortured Eliya.”
“…….”
“…Don’t blame Eliya, do you?”
Jude slowly but immediately shook his head.
“I heard she didn’t do it on purpose. It won’t go away, but… I don’t know. I just wanted it to end. Everything.”
“…Yeah. I understand. You’ve been through a lot too.”
“…….”
Judas spoke calmly.
Jude liked his straightforward comfort.
“I… ran away cowardly. With that prayer on Christmas….”
Pausing momentarily, he looked up at Judas.
Judas chuckled lightly.
“Just call me brother, or whatever you want.”
“…I dragged you into this.”
“Well… It doesn’t seem like it’s just your fault.”
How did he end up in this world?
He wasn’t sure, but he knew a few elements that had influenced him.
Jude’s prayer on Christmas.
And likewise, Judas wishing to know Eliya through the Sun Symbol on Christmas.
He didn’t know if those were connected, but it didn’t seem like mere coincidence.
“So that’s why you were hiding in a corner? Because you felt bad for dragging me in?”
“Yes….”
“Geez… But I’m curious, did you also feel or see what I experienced?”
Jude shook his head.
“Like when I killed Cain, I caught a glimpse of it during the stimulation, but otherwise, I was asleep here all the time.”
“And so, since you’re satisfied with killing Cain, you’re trying to disappear now.”
“…Yes.”
Jude’s body was becoming more translucent.
The transparency increased to the point that what lay beyond was nearly visible.
“Alright…. Anyway, it seems you don’t harbor resentment and look satisfied, so that’s a relief for me. Honestly, that made me a bit uneasy. I mean, I’ve entered someone else’s body, and if that guy hated Eliya, it wouldn’t feel great.”
“You don’t need to worry. That body is fully yours now.”
“Eh?”
“While I felt liberated watching that scene, I don’t feel it was my doing. The actions of killing Cain, and all that I experienced until then—they aren’t mine. I was just a distant spectator.”
Jude’s body was vanishing from his feet upwards.
“So the name Jude and that body are just you. They have nothing to do with me. Even now, I’m just borrowing a glimpse of that youthful form, and I’ve become an idea that doesn’t exist—something foreign.”
“…You sure you’re younger than me? You’re sounding really smart.”
“Being here made me that way…. Oh, and I found it fascinating to peek into your memories from when you were called Judas Defecit. I learned a few things… Anyway, I’m sorry for sneaking a look at your past.”
“Apologizing about everything, aren’t you? Just let it go.”
Judas said playfully.
“And hey. You said you used that body, but I never said we’re still connected, did I? Let me make it clear—it’s me. No one else.”
Jude, who had looked dazed for a moment, then smiled with relief.
His upper body was dissolving like light.
“Yes.”
“Be happy. I don’t know if there will be a next time, but still.”
“Thank you.”
As Jude bowed his head, he was soon scattered into the outside theater.
The sparkling dust spread like the Milky Way and faded quickly.
The Jude who was killing Cain in the theater and the bleeding Cain also disappeared.
When the lights went out, only the dark stage remained.
Left alone in the audience was Judas.
Or rather, Jude.
He stood up from his seat.
‘It’s time to return now.’
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