When I wake up in the morning, before opening my eyes, there’s something I can feel first.
The small warmth that has come into my arms.
The force clutching my legs.
The not-so-light weight pressing down on my face.
The various breaths of someone who isn’t me. Things like that.
‘…….’
Opening my eyes comes after that.
Spring sunlight seeps through the slightly drawn curtains.
‘Fides….’
I check the culprit who has placed their feet on my face.
Fides.
This hyperactive kid, now 8 years old, sleeps in acrobatic positions every day.
Plus, he torments me each time.
There was a time when he sat on my neck, causing me to wake up gasping for air.
‘I can’t stand this…’
Yet, I don’t dislike his sleeping habits.
There’s a certain cuteness to it.
‘The thing clinging to my leg… I don’t even need to look; it must be Donum.’
My youngest daughter Donum, who is now 6.
She loves me too much.
A bit obsessively.
She sometimes gazes at me with a strange look, just like Eliya does.
For some reason, she can’t fall asleep unless she clings to me while sleeping.
Mostly, she hangs onto my arms or legs.
‘She’s cute, so I let it slide…’
And the one in my arms is Amor.
Our eldest daughter, who has been sleeping between Eliya and me since she was little.
One day with Eliya, one day with me.
Today, it seems it’s my turn.
She’s 13 now, so she should be independent from the bed, but she still loves to cling.
‘I hope it stays this way… I’d prefer if adolescence stayed away for a while.’
That thought is always on my mind, but if Amor tries to distance herself as an independent entity, I’ll be ready to accept it.
While raising children with Eliya and studying together, I’ve come to accept the truth.
The goal of parenting is healthy independence.
‘By the way, it seems Beirin is getting closer to Amor these days…’
Richard and Beninita’s second son. Beirin. He’s 2 years younger than Amor.
He remains my top concern.
It’s not overprotection, ownership, or monopoly.
I’m merely a father worrying about my daughter’s safety.
If a suitable man were to appear whom I could trust with my daughter, and she liked him, well, I wouldn’t mind letting her go.
For now, the absurdly high criteria for “suitability” is not an issue I need to address.
‘And the one sleeping snuggled up to Eliya is… Spei, I guess.’
The third son who resembles his mother, quiet and calm.
He’s a twin with Donum, and both of them are already 6 years old.
If we’re talking about personality, he resembles Eliya more than the eldest.
He’s so quiet and gentle.
These little ones can be summed up very clearly.
The first daughter and third son resemble Eliya, calm and composed.
Amor and Spei.
My lively second son and youngest daughter resemble me.
Fides and Donum.
‘…The good news is that nobody messes with Fides and Donum.’
If they resemble me, there’s definitely a risk of them exploding if disturbed.
But in front of Eliya, such crazy deeds won’t occur.
Even the madmen come to their senses in front of Eliya.
After checking on each of the kids, I glanced at my wife.
She resembled a goddess asleep, basking in the soft sunlight.
Even in the complicated bed, she always stretches out her hand across Amor to hold onto me—a lovely woman.
Eliya.
‘Hmm… No matter how many years pass, I never tire of her looks.’
More mysterious is something else.
‘Why is she still cute?’
Amor is 13 now.
In other words, Eliya and I are both 33 this year.
Yet, Eliya shows no signs of aging—neither her face nor her body.
‘I’ve changed a bit…’
Not that I notice looking in the mirror.
People around me say my impression has softened.
They say my gaze has become warmer.
‘In that sense, Eliya’s face hasn’t changed much, but her expressions have certainly become more peaceful and kind. If that counts as change, then maybe it is.’
Change happens.
This change is irreversible.
The flow of time, which cannot be avoided, leads me to an inevitable end.
Very slowly.
Like the rain soaking my clothes.
Four years ago.
In the hot springs, I suddenly faced the fear of the end.
That vague fear and emptiness occasionally came for me.
Naturally, Eliya noticed my changes.
Through honest talks and discussions with her, I found my answers.
Since then, I am no longer afraid of the end.
I simply accept it.
The words Eliya once said ring in my head, echoing like a hallucination.
Ever since that day, I have repeatedly pondered them.
‘We are happy because we are finite, and we can love. The world is beautiful because it is finite.’
The owner of that voice slowly opened her eyes.
Long eyelashes rose, revealing jewel-like red irises.
A languid gaze rose to find me.
I smiled at her when we met.
Just looking at her makes me laugh uncontrollably.
Eliya also smiles back at me, following my lead.
To avoid waking the kids, we talk with our lips only.
‘Did you sleep well?’
Eliya moves her lips in response.
‘Yes. And Judas?’
‘I slept well too. But waking up was a struggle because of Fides.’
Eliya laughed silently.
‘He was right next to me when he fell asleep; how come he’s on your face?’
‘Exactly my point.’
In the tiny moment before waking the kids, just Eliya and I share a silent conversation.
I really love this time.
Eliya looked at me with a smiling face.
I gazed at her eyes in return.
Just silently, quietly.
Simply seeing her face feels good.
Not all conversations are to be shared with words.
Just through gazes and expressions, we connect.
After a long while, Eliya broke the silence.
Once again, she spoke without a sound.
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
Leaning in gently over Amor’s head, I planted a light kiss.
“Uuuuh…?”
Amor stirred, trying to wake up.
Eliya and I began waking the kids as if on cue.
“Amor, are you awake?”
“Yes…”
“Did our daughter sleep well?”
First, we checked on Amor’s drowsiness.
Being the eldest, she wakes up without much need pushing.
Eliya and I kissed Amor’s cheeks from both sides.
Amor, smiling and shaking her head, indicates she’s enjoying it.
Next, we woke the other kids.
“Spei, let’s stop munching on mom’s hair and wake up now.”
“Uuuh…”
I peeled Spei away from Eliya’s hair.
Meanwhile, Eliya was in charge of Donum.
“Donum, you need to let dad go and wake up, okay?”
“No….”
“Give dad his freedom.”
“No! He’s mine…”
“Not anymore, he’s mine.”
“Nope….”
The kids are still quite groggy in the mornings.
I tickled Fides’s little feet teasingly.
“Come on, Fides, time to wake up.”
“Uhh, haha, heeek!”
Fides, who had been lying on his side, finally woke up.
But I didn’t stop tickling.
“Hihihih!”
I don’t understand why it’s so fun to tease the kids.
Hearing those joyous laughs is so pleasing.
Fides took it upon himself to try to tickle me back, so I stopped the tickling and just hugged him.
“Yes, son. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah. Dad, I grew muscles in my dream!”
“Oh really? How many?”
“As many as you, dad!”
“Oh boy… I better step up my game if I don’t want to be overtaken.”
“Muscles…?”
Donum, still sluggish, perked up at the mention of muscles.
“I want some too….”
Donum has yet to give up on her desire for a physically fit body.
‘…I wish she’d let it go.’
My youngest daughter and I share the same physical desires?
‘But I’ll love her no matter what…’
It’s a complicated issue for many reasons.
Before I noticed, Amor was cleaning out Spei’s eye crust.
Amor loves all her siblings, but she particularly adores the docile and gentle Spei.
Eliya tied up Amor’s hair next to her.
“Whoa! Dust!”
Donum spotted dust.
The newly awoken dust was coming into the room quite clumsily.
“How cute….”
Donum rushed over to embrace the dust enthusiastically.
“The dust is cute. Hehe.”
That cheerful laugh seems to have perfectly passed from Eliya to her two daughters.
“Meow-.”
“Eheee.”
Donum mimicked the sound of the dust while hugging it and rubbing her face against it.
Suddenly I remembered when we first brought the dust home.
‘Eliya said it looked like me….’
With its black fur and golden eyes.
Just like Donum, who has black hair and golden eyes resembling me.
‘…Though Donum resembles me much more than I do.’
Spei simply stared at the dust.
Now it was Donum’s turn, waiting patiently.
‘Sometimes I worry, she’s too gentle…’
Looking as though she felt left out, she snuggled a black cat plushie.
The plushie I gave to Eliya.
Now it’s a shared toy loved by all the kids.
Eliya doesn’t carry it around as much as before.
She has so many things to hold onto now.
The scarf remains the same, though.
Yet, she makes sure to keep the plushie by her side when she sleeps.
When it was Spei’s turn to pet the dust, someone knocked on the door.
-Knock, knock.
Without even having to check, I knew it must be Maria.
“Grandma!”
Now Amor speaks clearly.
“Granny!”
Fides, too, has corrected his words, though they still sound a bit short.
It seems Fides is a little slow in language acquisition.
But he’s adorable, and he is physically active, so it’s fine, right?
“Grammy!”
And the pronunciation that Amor used to have has now been passed on to Spei and Donum.
I watched the kids dash out while Eliya snuggled closely beside me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“I’m hungry. Let’s hurry.”
I smiled and started to fondle her belly.
So soft and squishy. It feels nice.
“Our fifth little one is hungry—guess we better hurry.”
“…You’re still more like a big kid than I am.”
She pouted and lightly bumped her forehead against my shoulder.
It seems she doesn’t mind being teased as the youngest occasionally.
I kissed her cheek, her sulking face still smiling.
“Adorable.”
“Hmm…”
Eliya and the kids stepped out into the bedroom.
*
At some point, Gellahaid naturally joined us for brunch.
We all stepped out to the palace garden.
It was a peaceful afternoon.
In a way, it was also a tea time after a meal.
“Fides, Donum. You need to be careful not to fall over, okay?”
“Yes!”
Eliya cautioned them, and they answered her boldly, resembling her.
Then, the two kids began playing with the puppies.
Literally just running around and playing.
There are no rules at all.
They chase each other like a game of tag, but mostly just run around without any thought.
‘Is running really that pleasurable? As long as they don’t fall, what does it matter?’
Yuel followed the kids, ready to assist them in their play.
Gellahaid hovered around to prevent them from falling.
During this time, I’m primarily serving as Amor’s chair.
“Dad, open wide~.”
“Ah~.”
Amor picked up a cookie and helped feed me.
As a chair, that’s a pretty satisfying reward.
“Hmm, tasty. You should have one too, Amor.”
“Yes. Grandma made them fresh this time.”
“No wonder it tastes just right.”
These cookies are filled with creamy and sweet cream cheese.
They match my tastes quite well, similar to the kids.
Maria chuckled a bit sheepishly.
“It’s really nothing that great.”
Eliya, sitting beside me, fed a cookie to Spei.
“You can only have one. Eating too many isn’t good for your teeth, you got that?”
“Yes, mom.”
“Good boy.”
He eats it heartily with both hands, munching away.
‘Such a cute little thing.’
I glanced at the sky and then looked at the palace where Eliya and I reside.
From a distance.
Dust was resting on the window sill, basking in the sunlight.
Next to it, a red anemone was blooming.
‘How pretty.’
While I lazily relaxed, Fides and Donum came running from far away.
“Mom-!”
“Daddaddaa-!”
Fides called for Eliya, and Donum called for me.
They both dove into the lap of their respective parents.
Donum looked up first, asking.
“When are the uncles coming?”
The “uncles” refer to the Royal Guard.
Today is the day when they all come over to hang out together.
Not that it’s particularly special.
It’s just an annual social gathering that has grown larger over the years.
Richard and Beninita.
Dillon and Mei.
And, with marriage, Lindell and Argon also come along, plus quite a few unmarried guys joined in.
Eliya and I welcomed the increase in scale.
We want the kids to interact with and be loved by as many people as possible, growing up rightly.
We can’t help but view more trustworthy people positively.
Ultimately, Eliya and I plan to send the kids to school.
The national academy, led by the empire, which Eliya has been ambitiously preparing.
The plans that have taken several years are almost complete.
The academy building has been completed this year, and the finishing touches are currently underway.
We’re in the final review of the enrollment documents and the staff to work at the academy.
This is also the first step towards abolishing the class system.
A national educational facility nurturing and training talent regardless of status.
Eliya hopes to break the prejudice in this society that one’s future and position are determined by their innate status.
Thus, the background or wealth of the enrollees is not a consideration.
Anyway.
Our kids will enroll in the academy next year and will need to interact with various people there.
I want them to gather as many experiences as possible before that.
“The uncles will be here soon. They agreed to gather after lunch. Oh dear, you have some grass stuck in your hair.”
I picked the dust off Donum’s head.
Meanwhile, Fides was handing Eliya a flower.
“Fides? Is that for your mom?”
“Yes! A present!”
A bright red wildflower.
It resembled the anemone.
It’s still growing by our bedroom window.
Eliya smiled brightly.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you! I’ll put it in a vase so we can keep it for a while.”
Watching her kiss Fides on the forehead gave me a warm feeling too.
Then, feeling playful, I said.
“Fides, why didn’t you bring anything for Dad?”
“……”
Fides didn’t reply, but suddenly came over and hugged me.
“This little guy, thinking being cute makes everything okay?”
And I lifted Fides, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“Of course, it does. You’re clever.”
Even if he’s a troublemaker, he’s still my child, and I can’t help but love him.
Why is he so adorable?
Just then, Miguel led the guards to us, and they all came rushing in.
Accompanied by their wives.
At first, they were too afraid to sit alongside Eliya, but before long, they got used to it.
‘Though they still seem a bit uncomfortable…’
Fides was the first to dash over.
“Uncle-!”
“This kid, leaving his dad behind?!”
Seemingly oblivious, he ran off.
“It’s okay. I’ll be beside Dad.”
“Of course Amor is the best…”
“Dad! Me too!”
I wrapped an arm around the eager Donum.
“Our Donum is the best too.”
Eliya gazed at me intently.
Feeling a cold sweat trickling down my neck.
Recently, Donum declared she would marry me, to which Amor took the opposing stance.
Since then, Eliya’s supervision has grown stricter.
She’s become more clingy and whiny at night.
‘Hmmm. In that light, it’s not entirely a bad thing, is it?’
I winked at Eliya playfully.
She stifled a laugh and shook her head.
What a carefree moment this is.
Suddenly, I felt a sense of déjà vu.
It was reminiscent of four years ago when I went through a hot spring experience.
My view suddenly expanded to take in the scenery.
Eliya and me.
Amor, Fides, Spei, Donum.
Our lovely children from her and me.
Gathered in the palace garden, basking in a seemingly eternal moment of peace.
And Maria and Gellahaid.
The guard comrades added to the lively gathering.
All of this is my fencing.
With Eliya at the center, the pillars and walls that support and protect me.
At the same time, it’s a realm I want to protect.
The transient things of this world that cannot be eternal.
One day, we will return to where we came from, becoming stardust in the universe.
It’s regrettable, but not sad.
I’m okay with that now.
Eliya helped me be okay.
My wise wife always provides the answers I need.
At that moment, I recall a conversation from four years ago.
One late night.
The time when all the kids were sound asleep.
We stepped outside together for a moment.
It was a rare quiet time just for the two of us.
As she fiddled with her red scarf in the cold night breeze, she spoke.
I even remember the direction of the breath escaping from her lips.
“Judas. What would it be like if moments were eternal? If any moment or emotion could repeat endlessly, and we could cherish and sense it, just like we felt when we first experienced it?”
“……”
“No. That’s impossible. Our brains are circuits that adapt. They dull and become insensitive to repetition. Eternity means time is infinite. We lose the ability to assign value to everything we experience in the flow of time. Everything happens again anyway.”
She softly wrapped me in her arms.
The warmth that comes into my embrace.
Since the day we met long ago.
From the time she accidentally crawled into my arms while asleep, I realized I fell in love with that warmth.
“In eternity, a person can feel nothing. Emotions wither, and consciousness scatters, and we may cease to be beings known as humans. Therefore, eternity lies beyond humanity, and people can never truly understand eternity.”
“……”
“That’s why this moment is precious. The warmth we share, this emotion, and these words are unique moments, not to be replaced by anything, allowing us to love, sorrow, laugh, and cry.”
She averted her gaze slightly, and I saw she was crying.
Tears flowing while smiling.
Were they tears of joy or sorrow?
I still don’t know the answer.
“Life is shining brilliantly. Therefore, its end is cruelly painful. But it’s beautiful because life is finite. An endless life is merely empty.”
“……”
“So let’s live in the present. We only have this moment once in our lives.”
The radiant truth came to me.
I engraved her words in my mind like faith.
The only now in life matters.
Only that is important.
Life is beautiful because it is fleeting.
From that truth, I gained other insights.
If life is a closed flow for humanity.
We could consider the entirety of life as one eternity.
A concluded life does not circulate, nor does it advance.
It’s a complete termination in itself.
Thus, one human life is akin to one eternity.
If I love her and find happiness throughout my life.
It’s equivalent to loving and being happy with her for eternity.
Without realizing it, I shared that thought with Eliya, and she nodded with a bright smile.
“…It really is. A lifetime is no different from eternity. You’re right. Then we can be together forever.”
I embraced Eliya without saying a word.
Eliya held me tightly at the waist.
“Judas, do you know? A person’s present is determined by the future. People often say the past defines them. The internalized past manifests in the present. But, I don’t think it holds true. I used to think that way too. Because I didn’t have a particularly good past. Yet, the thing is, I realized something strange. Compared to that past, every day was too happy being with you.”
Her gentle voice continued on.
I pet Eliya’s hair as I listened.
“I came to realize. The past doesn’t have to dictate the present. There’s no inevitability in it. Why? Because I, every day, hoped for a happy future with you, and I made it happen.”
“……”
“The past is behind us. The thing is, it’s the future that shapes the present. It doesn’t matter how I’ve lived in the past. What matters is how I live moving forward; that future defines my present.”
Eliya fiddled with my scarf.
The red scarf she knitted.
It’s similar to the one I gave her long ago.
“I want to be happy going forward. Together with you; and our Amor, Fides, Spei, Donum, the kids, and grandma too. I’ve decided that. So I find this current moment very happy.”
“……”
“So please stay with me. Let’s share this happy present forever, Judas.”
When she lifted her head, her gaze met mine.
Her hand gently wrapped around my neck.
I had a feeling I knew what she was about to say next.
And perhaps, she knew what I was about to say next too.
We spoke at the same time.
It wasn’t intentional.
We simply wished to say that in the future, and that present has appeared.
“I love you.”
The reason Amor got her name was something Eliya shared once.
“Love saved me, saved you, and will save this world.”
It was true.
Love intertwined the future and the present. The infinite and the finite. The eternal and the lifelong, all safeguarded together.
It washed away the emptiness in my heart.
I said it once more.
“I love you, Eli.”
“I love you so much too, Judas.”
Under the moonlight, we kissed for a long time.
I cherished the sensation of holding her close at that moment.
The feeling of that instant vividly engraved in memory.
It was a moment I wanted to remember because it was uniquely precious in its finiteness.
The small warmth that curled into my arms.
The arms that wrapped around my waist.
The slight weight leaning against me.
The warmth of our lips meeting, tender and soft.
Her breath brushing against my face, sweetly scented.
The softness of her hair.
The features formed even within my touch, as if I could paint them with my eyes.
Round face. Chubby cheeks. Thin yet defined eyebrows.
A delicate neck.
The curves of her waist and hips.
I etched everything firmly in my heart, stitch by stitch.
It was a moment when I realized the beauty of transience.
A long recollection passed in a short moment.
When I came to, I was looking at Eliya without realizing it.
The way she laughed while cuddling Spei, a mother’s loving gaze.
And the way my lovely wife smiled back at me when our eyes met.
Her red irises met my golden ones directly.
She suddenly spoke lightly, as if it were a casual greeting.
“I love you, Judas.”
I answered back lightly with a smile.
“I love you so much too, Eli.”
*
The window ledge of the busy palace garden overlooks the bedroom.
Dust basked in the warm sunlight as it groomed itself.
While licking its paw pads, it suddenly turned its head.
By its side were two flowerpots.
Around the pots lay small stuffed toys.
The ones Eliya had made in her likeness.
Next to them sprawled another doll.
A family of plush dolls resembling Judas, Amor, Fides, Spei, and Donum.
All made by Eliya in her spare time.
In the flowerpot planted with the anemone, a flower bloomed.
The elongated stem boasted a bud that had burst forth, displaying vibrant red petals.
The previous flowers had already wilted a few times.
This current seed was something Judas and Eliya planted together last year, and it blossomed just a few days ago.
The dust sniffed the flower’s fragrance, gazing at the anemone quietly.
In its brilliant golden eyes, the red flower reflected perfectly.
Eventually, the dust leaned against the pot, dozing off in the sunshine.
The cheerful sounds of the family echoing from the garden were a lovely yet lively lullaby.
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.
