It was a hellish existence from then on.
Judas trained every day to kill people.
The harsh schedule was more abuse than training.
He vomited several times from not eating properly, but he couldn’t sit down.
If he hesitated, the overseers would kick him and throw him around.
Every time that happened, Judas clenched his teeth, reminding himself of his goal.
Angra stayed by his side to help him remember that goal.
He fought, got hit, and rolled around with other kids who were dragged along with him.
And then one day.
“Judas, you have to endure. This is all necessary.”
“I can’t do it, please….”
“Are you going to give up? Are you going to just abandon your revenge against the ones who killed your parents and friends?”
“……”
Those words pierced like a knife of guilt.
In the end, Judas couldn’t withstand his coercion.
Then, a man with a deep hood approached him, who was bound at his limbs.
He smelled of old blood.
It was nauseating.
He drew something in blood on Judas’s face and then drew again around him.
It was a magic circle.
The nature of the magic he had experienced before was brainwashing and suggestion through dark magic.
He was being forcibly etched with the obsession to kill Eliya.
Memory manipulation would be ideal, but he hadn’t yet managed to implement that magic.
The dark wizard looked at Angra, and he nodded.
“Execute it.”
Soon, dark magic flowed into Judas.
“Ugh…!”
Angra watched proudly as Judas thrashed and clenched his teeth.
‘Excellent.’
Judas’s skill and determination were superior to others.
Thus, he decided to pour everything into Judas.
He even killed a few kids as offerings for the dark magic.
‘But, he’s too soft-hearted.’
At moments when he recalled his goal, he was harsher than anyone else.
It was merely short-term concentration.
However, Judas often displayed foolishness.
Recently, that frequency had increased.
He wasn’t sure if this was the right way to live.
He seemed uncertain whether Eliya was indeed his target for revenge.
‘If his heart is weak, I can just fill that heart.’
Magic that interfered with the mind inflicted great pain on its target.
Let alone, it was dark magic, not real magic.
A pseudo-magic manifested with life as a sacrifice.
The pain could only be several times worse.
If he wasn’t careful, Judas might die while they were in the process of brainwashing.
‘A safe but dull blade, or a dangerous but sharp blade.’
A sword exists to stab and cut a person.
So, there’s no need for a safe blade.
It must be sharp even if it breaks.
Angra decided to gamble Judas’s life on probability.
“…This time it succeeded.”
The dark wizard said.
“I strengthened the hostility towards Eliya de Bevel, reminding him of her killing members of the village.”
“It seems to have improved a bit.”
“However, he is developing some resistance. There will be times when the brainwashing becomes loose.”
“Hmm… that’s a troublesome matter.”
To brainwash him again, they would have to bear that much risk again.
The burden naturally escalates with each repetition.
“It would be better to keep watch and re-etch him if necessary.”
Finally, Judas’s eyes, which opened, were different from before.
Sunk eyes.
Golden pupils that seemed empty.
Angra smiled with satisfaction.
“I like this.”
*
Having quickly risen as an assassin to kill Eliya, Judas joined the Assassin Guild.
The Assassin Guild is not a place to train assassins but an organization that accepts already skilled assassins.
Thus, Angra sending Judas there was a sort of test procedure.
After a few verification processes, he was recognized as the youngest temporary member, and he had to complete his first mission.
Target: Maria.
The name given by Angra.
Eliya’s biological mother.
He waited at the close vicinity of Gethsemane, where he planned to kill his target, before moving to the target location.
While moving towards the target, he felt a sense of unease.
Taking advantage of the loosening of his brainwashing, his weak heart surged.
Is this the right thing to do?
Is this really the proper way to take revenge?
No, that was just an excuse.
Judas was exhausted.
He once wanted revenge.
That feeling was genuine.
But he never imagined achieving revenge by throwing away and destroying his entire life.
The revenge a child had hoped for was just simple and straightforward, a one-dimensional thrill.
How shortsighted he had been, only realizing it after being thrown into a harsh environment.
It may not have been an enlightenment, but rather, he was just weary.
He shouldn’t be tired, but it was hard.
Why was he so weak?
Though he was a child unable to bear such things and make judgments, Judas merely blamed himself.
Each time he faltered, Angra yelled and scolded him.
It wasn’t just for that reason he felt unease.
Somehow, he overheard a guard in prison chattering away.
One could say Eliya was the one who killed the village in a one-dimensional manner.
However, that girl, Eliya, didn’t seem to want it that way.
Narcissi and the Bevel Family.
Haughty nobles.
And, the bastard named Eliya.
He realized that the massacre of the village was merely a means to control Eliya.
It was a signing done under threats.
If that were the case, shouldn’t the blame be put on them, not Eliya?
He didn’t know.
By now, it didn’t matter which was which.
He wanted to give up.
He was scared.
Judas instinctively felt it.
After killing Eliya, he would die there too.
In the end, he was a disposable existence.
He didn’t want to die.
As much as revenge, his own life mattered too.
Although he was reluctant, his body honestly headed towards the target location.
The hired coachman would be escorting Maria safely.
Through a little-used path.
And finally, when he reached there.
“…Huh?”
The carriage was on fire.
Judas approached it, startled.
‘Who intervened? Was it a bandit’s raid?’
The coachman seemed to have fainted.
There was no target inside the carriage.
Nowhere around was she visible.
Only footprints led away somewhere far.
‘…A getaway? No, no. It wasn’t just one person. Someone took her.’
He didn’t know who or why they took her.
But Judas considered this opportunity a stroke of luck.
He wouldn’t have to do what he didn’t want to do.
It wasn’t a failure.
It was merely an unavoidable incident because of some unforeseen accident.
But, he couldn’t back down now.
The Assassin Guild always leaves traces at the scene.
First, he stabbed the coachman with a sword coated in deadly poison.
Then, he entered the carriage.
Fortunately, the door was open.
He placed the dagger he prepared to kill her where she would have sat.
‘With this, this is enough… I, I’ve done all I could. I had no choice….’
The small boy distanced himself from the fire scene.
Afterward, he was expelled from the Assassin Guild and severely reprimanded by Angra.
He underwent brainwashing once more.
Judas prayed.
‘Please… stop it….’
To the sun or the moon in the sky.
He prayed to anyone who could be termed a god.
‘I want to stop….’
He wished that this would all just stop, even if it meant dying.
An empty prayer on one Christmas.
*
‘…….’
Judas did not kill Maria.
He confirmed the known fact from his perspective again.
The carriage was empty, and he merely stabbed the sword and walked away.
Unaware of this, he unleashed harsh words at himself.
‘…….’
Now, he had neither the energy to be sad nor to be angry with himself.
He simply accepted the reality in vain.
He acknowledged the truth of being a sinner.
During the process of resignation and self-blame, he still felt one puzzling thought.
He still couldn’t shake off the sense of discomfort he felt from the beginning.
‘…Who exactly is this child?’
Judas.
A name and appearance he knew well.
This memory was indeed Judas’s memory.
‘But, it’s so different….’
Even in personality.
He was the Judas who used to defiantly face Duke Balak even as a child.
Yet, he was supremely passive against Angra and the people in the training facility.
It seemed bizarre to think something had changed him.
It was only a short time until he would meet himself.
It wasn’t just for that reason.
Eliya immediately sensed the authenticity of the corpse disguised as Judas.
She claimed that wasn’t Judas.
Just like then.
When it came to anything regarding Judas, Eliya could instantly discern the truth.
Not through reason or inference, but through emotion and intuition.
With that kind of ability, she believed the Judas in her memory was not the real Judas.
‘How is this possible…?’
While feeling the doubt, she continued to sift through the memories.
It was the day Judas participated in the selection of knight candidates.
He stood among the lined-up participants.
Fidgeting with something uncomfortable in his pocket.
A sharp shard of glass, easy to carry.
And a piece of paper.
The one given by Angra.
It bore the directive to kill Eliya, along with a suggestion magic to embed that order in his brain.
Judas had seen that suggestion once on the way.
However, it didn’t stimulate him as strongly as before.
Because of the repeated brainwashing, he had built up resistance.
While waiting, Judas kept on struggling.
If he attacked Eliya here, he would die.
If he didn’t attack, he would be eliminated afterward.
If he got eliminated here, it wouldn’t end with merely being scolded.
They might kill him, claiming he was no longer needed.
He didn’t want to die.
He kept praying.
Repeating that he wanted to stop.
The prayer he made on Christmas.
‘It’s about time for me to arrive….’
The moment Eliya thought that.
‘…Huh?’
Her consciousness was flung far away.
She broke away from the scenery she was just observing.
‘Oh, oh?’
Startled, Eliya floated in the void, looking around.
A universe lacking even a glimmer of light.
She floated lonely in the pitch-black void.
‘Where is this…?’
Most likely, it was Judas’s inner vision.
Presumably a place called the inner world.
There was nothing to see around.
There was no memory she had just been watching.
She didn’t know where to go to return.
‘What should I do…? I haven’t seen all the memories yet… why is this happening? Should I try to get out of this memory first?’
While pondering that, a small light advanced from afar.
An ivory light cuts through the emptiness.
‘…A firefly?’
It was the firefly that used to live in her cage before it fell apart.
The one that left when her cage fell and never returned.
The firefly landed on Eliya’s left-hand ring finger.
As if to greet her, it trembled its wings slightly.
‘Why are you here…?’
Then, it flew somewhere again.
Its slow movements seemed to be guiding Eliya.
‘Is it asking me to follow it?’
At that moment, an ivory afterimage lingered between the firefly and her hand.
Like a connection string tying them together.
Eliya followed that little light through the darkness.
Then, she suddenly dove into the memories of a very unfamiliar and foreign person.
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.
