Eliya looked at Erin, the child of Richard and Beninita, and thought.
She wanted to see her own child with Judas.
That longing stirred a desire within her, different from usual.
Ultimately, it left her dizzy with another exhilarating feeling.
After a breathless moment in his arms, they both fell asleep.
Eliya was the first to wake up.
“Umm…”
Eliya murmured, burrowing deeper into his embrace.
Even in his sleep, he held her close.
The warm skin touching her bare body under the blankets was soothing.
With her hazy mind just waking up, Eliya relished the warmth and sensations.
He showed no signs of wanting to wake up.
Completing the full circle of waking, Eliya opened her eyes slightly.
Lifting her head just a bit, she saw his face.
She carefully observed him as he slept.
What would their child look like?
‘A child that resembles Judas and me…’
No doubt, they would be lovely.
‘I want to meet them soon.’
Eliya snuggled into his broad chest while daydreaming happily.
She wanted that.
Her new family with him.
She expressed that she wanted it, but it was a kind of metaphor.
She knew that a child isn’t the property of their parents.
In fact, she thought it shouldn’t be that way.
A child is someone close to the parents, not a subordinate being.
They should be an independent entity standing on their own.
‘A parent, huh…’
It might still be a distant notion, but she was going to be a parent.
What does it mean to be a parent?
It’s hard.
Dictionary definitions and common evaluations are meaningless.
She must personally become a parent to understand what it means.
‘…I don’t know.’
Her time receiving love from Maria was too short.
Even though those moments were intense memories enough to hold on, they weren’t long enough for her to grasp what a parent is.
Balak found it bothersome to think.
Eliya slowly gathered her thoughts.
‘Parents are… the world of the child.’
A person cannot grow and complete themselves alone.
They experience the world through others.
Those experiences shape their inner selves.
With their formed worldview, a person re-experiences the world, and that experience gets internalized again.
And parents are the first other person a person experiences when they are born.
‘They need to be a reliable world.’
For a child to grow correctly, the parent’s role as the first button is crucial.
‘What does it mean to be reliable?’
It’s a matter of survival directly tied to the basic issues of humanity.
They must secure consciousness and livelihood.
They must also protect from external threats.
Eliya and Judas meet those two conditions.
The emperor and royal decree.
They certainly won’t lack for a livelihood.
External threats?
The emperor himself, who can manipulate the world, and Judas, a knight who transcends human boundaries.
That shouldn’t be a problem either.
‘But is that enough to be considered reliable parents?’
She shook her head.
It’s lacking.
She knew nothing about children, parents, or rearing.
‘I need to study.’
Having just conquered the demon realm, Eliya decided she would study parenting during the spare time.
*
“Study…?”
Judas was dragged along by Eliya before he could even fully wake up.
They arrived at the royal palace’s library.
“Yes. We aren’t ready to be parents yet. There’s plenty of time before pregnancy and giving birth, so let’s study in the meantime.”
“Hmm…”
Judas rubbed his sleepy eyes, following her lead.
‘Study, huh… Eli is right.’
The thought of having a child felt vague.
Eliya and he were incredibly strong and possessed ample power.
They were ready to love their offspring.
That felt sufficient to provide a nurturing environment for a child.
‘Well, it’s probably not that simple.’
He recalled the neglected children he had seen while working at the gym.
‘Being proper parents… is difficult.’
Judas didn’t even know what his parents looked like or their names.
His life began discarded in a subway station locker.
The term ‘parents’ was far too common in the world, and while he had experienced it through others numerous times, it was absent from his own life.
As he sorted out his thoughts, his mind began to clear up.
“Eli is right. But… how do you study to be a parent?”
“We can’t study parenthood directly, but we can study children.”
Eliya stopped mid-way on one of the bookshelves.
The book she desired was way up high.
But she couldn’t reach it.
“…Fetch it for me.”
As she stood on her tiptoes, Eliya modestly requested.
Judas, with a smile, ruffled her hair.
“Looks like there’s a little baby here.”
“No, not really…”
The book she retrieved was a treatise on child-rearing theory.
“Child-rearing theory, huh…”
Knowing about children would provide clues on what kind of parents they should be.
“True. There’s no theory on being a parent, but there’s a theory on child-rearing.”
“Right. One book isn’t enough; we need to read various things.”
“Hmm…”
Agreeing, but the thought of reading books hurt his head.
“Don’t worry. If it’s too difficult, I’ll study and tell you, just like before.”
Five years ago, Judas had learned to read from Eliya.
“I got scolded a lot, you know…”
At that, Eliya mischievously grinned.
“I’ll scold you a lot this time too.”
“…!”
For some inexplicable reason, Judas thought he wanted to be scolded.
*
While the concept of child-rearing theory existed, it didn’t sit well with Eliya.
Some parts were beneficial and relatable, but other parts weren’t.
‘Things like this are a bit…’
For instance, it suggested that if a child asks for help, parents shouldn’t rush to comply but instead leave them to figure it out on their own.
‘While it aims to foster the child’s independence… does it make sense? There are certain areas a child can’t manage. Above all, wouldn’t it risk the trust relationship with parents…?’
Eliya realized that her way of thinking was out of sync with the values of this era.
That influence stemmed from Judas’s memories.
In the world he came from, the concept of children’s rights existed.
There was nothing like that here.
‘With the knowledge of this world… it won’t work.’
Most parts she found discomforting in child-rearing theory aligned with Balak’s educational principles.
That alone was enough evidence not to trust this book.
Though he progressed more slowly, Judas felt a similar discomfort.
“This book’s content is a bit strange. It says you should treat children like livestock, ruling them with strict rewards and punishments. It emphasizes the parents’ authority and rank within the home…? Hmm…?”
“I think so too. There’s some helpful content, but a lot to filter out.”
Eliya absolutely didn’t want to raise her child in that manner.
Neither did Judas.
Quickly skimming through what she read, Eliya pushed the book aside.
“Not going to read it?”
“Hmm? Oh, I’ve read it all.”
“…In such a short time?”
“Yep. It’s not about reading word-for-word, just taking in what’s necessary and filtering out the rest. It can be read quickly.”
Judas shrugged at her calm response.
Keeping up with a genius was frustrating.
Eliya took out a new notebook and began writing something down.
Judas, who had been losing concentration, subtly put the book away and took an interest in her.
“What are you writing?”
“Information in your head.”
It wasn’t surprising that Eliya could reference the memories she had checked before like a dictionary.
“Do I have anything about child-rearing education in my brain?”
“It’s not like there’s nothing. You had quite a bit of interest in kids.”
“Oh. That’s true…”
His curiosity and doubts from caring for kids at the gym, though not deep or lengthy, were sufficient to be useful information for Eliya.
“And indirectly, you can gather information too. The feelings you had while watching the children, the societal view on children, the atmosphere surrounding them, how events involving children were dealt with, the public’s attitudes, and the level of interest. All those things.”
Literally, Eliya was trying to scrape together all the indirect information from the entire world he had experienced.
“……”
Judas silently admired her.
He had known she was a genius since over five years ago.
Yet even after all that time, he continued to be astounded by her brilliance.
Judas watched as she jotted things, sorted, gathered them, categorized them again, repeating the process, until Eliya concluded with a single word.
“Attachment?”
That was the final word she left behind.
“Yep. This is the most important. The formation of an attachment between parent and child.”
The baby is thrown into life.
They can’t accomplish anything merely by being born.
Thus, parents must lead and serve as reliable support.
“People continuously learn from the outside world and internalize it. For example, let’s say you’re cooking. You need to use fresh ingredients to make decent dishes. But what if you use spoiled or unhygienic ingredients? You’ll end up with cooking that’s bad for your health.”
Life isn’t any different.
As people internalize reactions from others, they gradually build their worldview according to their lives.
“To put it metaphorically, parents are the first ingredient and must themselves be a healthy dish. Through that dish, there can be trust in future meals. If that first dish makes you feel nauseous and leads to vomiting?”
“Then you wouldn’t want to eat anymore.”
“Exactly.”
Thus, parents must give trust as the first experience and be a pillar they can lean on at any time.
Eliya summarized the relationship between parent and child with the word ‘attachment.’
“We need to form an attachment. It’s not hard. Parents just need to prove they can give to the child whenever.”
“So instead of leaving them alone to foster independence, we should do the opposite.”
“That’s right. However, that affection also shouldn’t go overboard.”
Excessive love breeds arrogance in people.
Eliya had witnessed countless nobility in that regard.
For instance, Sara.
Even Narcissi and Balak loved their youngest, Sara, more than anyone.
As a result of showering her with love indiscriminately, she grew into a shockingly arrogant person.
“Does that mean we must maintain moderation…?”
“Exactly. In the end, everything in the world is a matter of moderation.”
“That’s the hardest part.”
Balancing just right, not too much nor too little.
Everyone has different standards for what is appropriate, so knowing that balance is incredibly tricky.
“Yep. But we have to.”
Judas agreed with her words.
Eliya used ‘attachment’ as her guideline.
She thought of what they needed to do to become proper parents and organized her thoughts.
Meanwhile, Judas finished reading the book.
He remembered the helpful parts and filtered out the less useful ones.
During that time…
“…Eli?”
Eliya suddenly began to sob, shaking her shoulders.
“What’s wrong? Huh?”
She shook her head as she wiped her face.
“I just… don’t know why….”
The content she sorted out was about the attachment relationship between parents and children.
The more she organized it, the more she realized how crucial love and trust were.
And in contrast, she remembered her own childhood.
A life where she had to mature quickly, constantly watchful of others, living on edge.
Those miserable days, neglected and bullied as a child.
She had never seen herself that way.
At this moment, Eliya felt pitiful for herself.
Judas couldn’t find the words for her and wrapped her up for comfort.
“It’s okay, it’s okay.”
He had once hugged her when she crawled into bed as a child and said,
“It’s okay.”
When he says that, everything really does become okay.
Even in those pitiful days, there was light.
A light guiding her forward, standing by her side.
Eliya leaned into his embrace.
“It’s all okay now.”
Judas grabbed her waist and lifted her onto his knees.
For Eliya, who hadn’t received enough love from her parents and suffered harshly, having a child took on a special meaning.
Judas wanted to console her, hoping to give her strength.
“Should I give you a kiss?”
“Yeah…”
Eliya savored his lips that brushed against her face.
Just moments ago, she had been crying, but now she smiled.
“Should I go back to the afterlife and give them a good scolding?”
“No, you can’t. Don’t go.”
“Alright. I won’t go. I won’t go anywhere.”
Judas’s comforting touch and soothing voice quickly restored Eliya’s peace.
“Shall we call it a day for now?”
“No… I can keep going.”
“Okay, okay. But don’t push yourself.”
“Yep.”
To ensure her child didn’t inherit her plight, Eliya had to keep striving.
She willingly resolved to depend on Judas.
Eliya hugged him tightly and kissed him.
“I love you, Judas.”
“I love you too, Eli.”
Even if she stumbled sometimes, as long as she was with him, she could always get back up.
*
She decided to have a child and worked hard every day.
During the day in front of books, and at night on the bed.
Three weeks passed.
Mei smiled as she diagnosed Eliya.
“Your Majesty, congratulations.”
“That means…”
“It’s confirmed that you’re pregnant.”
“…!”
Judas, who was listening alongside her, was also taken aback.
Soon their eyes widened in surprise and met each other.
They instinctively embraced.
Mei subtly stepped back.
Eliya was already sobbing.
“Wow, you’ve turned into a crybaby.”
“I’m not…”
Her voice was shaky, and for some reason, tears kept flowing.
Judas gently patted her back.
“It’s okay. Everything will be alright moving forward.”
His words felt miraculous, and Eliya truly believed it would be so.
“Yep…”
There was still much to study and prepare for to welcome the new family.
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