In the influencer world, particularly among VTubers, there’s this cultural tradition that everyone seems to follow:
When you hit the one-year mark since your debut, you reflect on your very first stream.
Mostly, it ends up being a disaster of embarrassment, with chaotic screaming throughout.
Isn’t that just how it goes for everyone?
Looking back at my clumsy self from that time, that period I’d rather forget—man, it’s filled with so much shame.
Sure enough, I wasn’t any different.
“Ugh, ahhh….”
A mental assault hit me out of the blue.
I could barely string words together from the embarrassment.
It felt like my brain just froze, as if a bug had invaded.
In the video, I’m raising my arms and showing off my armpits.
To make matters worse, I start fidgeting with my fingers, and my lips begin to curl up as if drunk.
That bashful expression was practically oozing happiness.
Oh no.
I was in the middle of a battle.
My face burned with shame, and I missed my timing.
To make things worse, the trajectory of my dagger twisted a bit, causing insufficient damage to the mage.
The enemy, despite looking puzzled, took a step back.
“Ah, no… This is unfair!”
– What’s with that voice lol
– Just a female genius
– (Message deleted by the admin.)
– Wow, this person’s reactions are on point
– Virgin moves
“Please don’t send me videos like this. I’m blocking you.”
What on earth was so enjoyable about that?
In the video, my voice was so sweet that I’ve never even heard it come from myself.
I mean, honestly. I wasn’t completely in the dark about it.
Just moments ago, compliments about my skills had me struggling to manage my expression.
To be honest, it wasn’t all bad to think they still appreciated me.
Now and back then, I needed that attention and affection from people.
Those two things were so valuable to me that just being given them made my heart melt.
Yet embarrassment is still embarrassment.
I really didn’t want to keep watching those kinds of videos.
Thinking back to that time… it somehow felt a little off.
While my spine prickled with shame, there was a warm heat creeping up from my lower abdomen.
This is awkward. This is supposed to be my legendary first stream.
I didn’t want to show any signs of fluster at a moment like this.
I gathered my throat and shouted out, “You think I’m going to lose over this?”
Thanks to missing that earlier timing, I gave the mage a chance to counterattack.
A bright blue wave blasted toward me.
That color meant it was a skill that would explode and spread area slow.
Rather than dealing massive damage right off, they were likely trying to shift the battle dynamics.
Could I dodge it with just movement?
I felt like it was a bit too late for that.
I had to respond with a skill or block the explosion entirely.
No need to overthink it.
My opponent was a mage. The class shines brightest when dealing with shield jobs.
The wave reached the blade, creating a slight heaviness, but I succeeded in parrying it. The wave lost its strength and vanished.
I immediately tossed out a spell, breaking their offensive push.
Now it was time for me to regain the upper hand……
“Seokgolju donated 10,000 won”
“(Attached video: Gawol showing her collarbone)”
“Could you just pour me a drink here?”
I needed to regain control.
From the corner of my vision, I caught a glimpse of pale white skin.
Under the chin, slightly flushed from drink, the beautifully shaped collarbone was exposed.
Did San-sae think she crossed the line this time?
The donations stopped, and a 3-hour exile sentence hit me.
But then again, the memory of what I already saw wasn’t going anywhere.
“Haaah….”
– Phewphewphewphewphew
– No, Your Honor, she seduced me first!
– (Message deleted by the admin.)
– Judging by the reactions, she seems surprisingly transparent lololol
This battle definitely wasn’t supposed to be this tough.
I kept losing my edge by getting thrown off by these little distractions.
The enemy wasn’t stupid and wasn’t about to let these chances slip by.
I felt a bit of pride hurt.
It felt like I was struggling against low-level mobs.
Not a weak opponent, but not that skilled either.
Normally, I would’ve taken them down, ruining their mobility.
Just feeling so unfair, I ended up biting my lip.
“Seriously, this is just too much…”
This match.
I’m determined not to let it end easily.
*
[Victory Achieved.]
[Black 68 RP → 89 RP]
As I slightly relaxed my grip on my thighs, the mage’s body crumpled weakly to the ground.
I kicked the lifeless body away.
Lying there on the floor, I finally felt a bit of relief.
I won.
Thankfully.
“Haa… that was close. Anyway, did I succeed again?”
[Remaining Health: 100%]
Honestly, there were too many moments of danger.
The condition for my victory this match wasn’t just to take down the enemy but to avoid taking any damage at all.
I had originally thought I would resolve this with a clean and simple fight.
But the power of the video donations was way too strong for that to happen.
The videos coming in shouldn’t have been more than just a couple.
I had thought San-sae would take care of it starting from the collarbone.
Instead, they ended up putting my name on the sponsor list, saying they were creating a ‘standard.’
Yet they say humans are creatures of adaptation.
After experiencing that continuous mental assault, there came a point where I got accustomed to it.
In the end, what should’ve been a fight that lasted less than three minutes took longer because I became used to the donations.
Once I got used to it, I completely regained the control.
As a result, there was no need to spin the punishment roulette at all.
– Nah
– All the fun is dead now
– Booorring
– This is rigged
– Lieslieslieslieslieslieslies
“Pffft.”
No matter how much the viewers begged, my mind wouldn’t change.
Rules should always be upheld.
If I quickly broke my promise with the viewers and gave off a vibe that I acted on my whims, it would be a problem.
Before even worrying about losing their affection, the fun of the stream itself could die down.
So, the proud smile I wore now was all for the sake of the stream.
As soon as the game ended, I turned off video donations, eliminating any chance for my mental state to be targeted was gone as well.
“It looks like there’s quite a few complaints. But a promise is a promise, right? It really saddens me to dash your expectations, but—there’s no other choice.”
However, I hadn’t thought about this at the time.
Rank games are inherently filled with variables.
The moment the opposing team hits peak levels, our team hits rock bottom.
Let alone, I had become a prime target for numerous snipers.
“This… this is… um…”
It was when I had steadily built up my RP past 300 that I realized this.
Whether timing just didn’t align or if it was intentional, I couldn’t tell.
Personally, I believed it was nearly deliberate.
I put in a report, so the game company should handle it accordingly.
One thing was clear: it wasn’t the enemy, but an ally’s attack that pierced my shoulder.
To make matters worse, the timing was particularly nasty.
An unreliable ally.
On top of that, the enemy team players were focusing on me quite persistently.
I was too lax in my thinking, believing it was safe enough to aim for a zero-death match.
[Victory Achieved.]
[Black 297 RP → 315 RP]
[Death: 1]
Thanks to the snipers’ efforts—I recorded a single death.
A victory marred by wounds.
“Th-That’s unfair! I got hit by our team, not the enemy!”
– ???: A promise is a promise.
– ???: It’s just too sad to let down the viewers’ expectations.
– Hahaha
– Guess I should launch the roulette, huh?
– San-sae: Spin it, spin it, spin it, spin it, spin it!
The world kept tormenting me.
*
Right. Rules are rules.
If you make a promise, you must keep it.
Ultimately, I had to bring the punishment roulette to the stream.
San-sae, visible in the chat, was really annoying.
‘Traitor. You deceived me.’
– You want to put something like this? This seems… off.
– Not like we decided not to spin it anyway.
– But, you never know.
– No, it’s best to add a few bold choices. That way, the viewers will be excited too, right?
– That’s true.
When deciding on punishments, San-sae actively coaxed me.
In the end, I made the choice, but…
People should learn to manage blame appropriately to maintain a healthy mind.
Especially someone like me, who’s not very clear-headed, should take all the chances to lay out the blame.
“Anyway, I’ll spin it now. It’s about time for me to end the stream.”
Watching the roulette spin made me feel fatigued.
Please, I hope something manageable comes up.
I added a few relatively easy options just in case.
A ‘failed’ option or maybe just singing should be within my limits.
As the speed of the roulette slowed down, the list of potential punishments began to dwindle.
The option for ‘wearing a school uniform’ got dismissed in no time.
Instead, the things I hoped for, like a ‘failed’ or ‘singing’ option, were quickly removed from the list.
The ‘streaming with a collar’ that I dreaded was also dropped from the choices.
Eating extremely spicy ramen.
Wearing a nurse outfit.
A 3-hour stream where I call the viewers ‘master.’
Imagining them was terrifying, but still didn’t improve my situation.
The final punishment drawn from the roulette was to ‘reveal cosplay pictures.’
I wasn’t exactly sure what character I would be portraying.
“This one… requires some preparation. I can’t do it right now. Once I’m ready… I’ll do it.”
With the punishment decided, that was enough.
It was time to really wrap up the stream.
I had a catchphrase for the end that I thought over for a long time.
“I’ll be going now. By the way, our sign-off is this: Ahem… I love you.”
I’ll always say I love you when ending the stream.
That way, someone is bound to echo those words back to me.
If the chat gets filled with love, it surely would make me happy.
– Whoa
– I love you too!
– Whoa
Oh no, this isn’t good.
I already feel my heart softening a little.
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