I have graduated from Star’s Flow.
Though it was my decision, naturally I can’t say I’m without regrets.
In fact, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I could have done better, and I felt like regret was flooding in.
October had quietly crept up on me.
With graduation in March, that leaves about half a year.
Some might say that’s a long time, but my intuition told me that time would fly by.
“Isn’t it possible to cancel even now?”
“That’s right! If it’s now, you can definitely cancel. It’s March, right? There’s still plenty of time. Izumi-chan, let’s quickly get in touch with M-chan and ask to cancel. Although I might get scolded for being too hasty, I’m sure they’ll forgive me. Okay?”
“I just wanted to get closer to Izumi….”
And at that moment, my Home was more chaotic than ever.
I was officially announcing my graduation in February.
But naturally, the members had heard the news beforehand.
And the result was this very situation.
Natsune and my seniors from the first generation, along with the juniors from the third generation!
Everyone had come to my Home except for my classmates from the second generation, with whom I had already had a long conversation.
“Please say this is a joke.”
“If it’s real, let’s cancel right now!”
Their kind words struck my heart to the point of tears.
But amidst all that kindness, I quietly shook my head.
“I’m sorry….”
With that one word I managed to stammer out, everyone bowed their heads.
This is… the result of my decision.
And this is what I must accept.
“Izumi, can you tell me why you made that decision?”
Finally, Natsune, who had been listening without a word until now, spoke up.
Her red eyes were filled with sadness.
“I don’t want Izumi to graduate either. But since it’s already been decided… I just want to understand the reason you made this choice.”
I could sense her feelings were sincere, even without further words.
“…Yes.”
As I answered, I looked around and saw similar expressions on everyone’s faces.
And so, I shared everything about my feelings openly, except for how Star’s Flow came to be.
Starting with why I decided to challenge being a VTuber.
The shameful feeling of jealousy I had come to feel, and yet how much I admired them all, wanting to shine just like everyone else…
I talked about it all.
“You might think I’m running away. You might think it’s a strange worry… I know it’s all so sudden, and that it’s a selfish concern. But… but I still…!”
Just as my emotions intensified and tears were about to fall,
“It’s all right.”
With those words, warmth embraced me.
And Natsune, who quietly hugged me, gently patted my head.
“Honestly… I can’t fully understand Izumi’s heart. I think it’s sudden and too quick. But if this is the answer you’ve come to after thinking hard and hesitating many times… then I think it’s okay.”
Just hearing those words made my heart feel at ease.
“It’s really sad that Izumi is graduating… but that doesn’t mean you’re cutting ties with us, right?”
“…Yes.”
“Okay. That’s enough. I can wait until Izumi finds her dream and comes back.”
“…Well, if Yoru says that, then I guess there’s no helping it. I’ll just have to support you.”
And with that remark from Kurokami, the heavy atmosphere began to shift.
“Eh? There’s no way Shiro would easily follow my words like that.”
“Huh? Who was it that always said they were the senior and made me listen to them in Star’s Flow?”
“Ah?! I told you not to talk about it in front of others!”
“Eh~. I’m so disappointed to learn Natsune is like this?”
“Natsune is so… incredibly scary….”
“It’s a misunderstanding! It’s all a misunderstanding?! Izumi knows, right? You’ll believe me?”
The Room was noisy, bright, and lively.
Seeing everyone, whom I loved so much, made me smile back and reply.
“I think Natsune… is a bit scary too….”
“Ah, seriously!!!”
★
[So are we all at my Home right now?]
“Yes, Mom. I’ll make sure everything is organized, so don’t worry.”
Right now, the living room was nothing short of a festival.
Since everyone gathered, it was Natsune’s command to call all the second-gen members… and as the junior, I could only tremble in fear while calling my peers.
And so, the party commenced suddenly.
A total of sixteen girls gathered together, drinking and chatting in the living room, making it a truly lively place.
Well, I was obviously drinking orange juice.
[Tell everyone to have a good time.]
“Sure….”
After ending the call with my Mom, I looked up at the night sky, where the stars were beautifully twinkling.
The chilly autumn evening breeze brushed by, but for a moment, I forgot the cold and stared at the view blankly.
“From the shining dream star, it’s Natsune Nanase….”
“Eek?!”
When I turned around in surprise at those words, Natsune, her face slightly flushed possibly from the alcohol, was smiling at me.
“I-I… No. Yoru!”
“Were you startled?”
“Of course I was startled….”
Since I whispered it only at ear level, no one else could hear, but just saying it where others could overhear it was surprising enough.
“Was that person you just called your Mother?”
“Yes….”
“Please tell her I’m sorry for suddenly coming over like this.”
“It’s fine. If anything, I’d rather everyone enjoy themselves….”
“I see….”
“Did you come out here to catch some fresh air?”
“Hmm… that and I had something I wanted to say to Mina-chan.”
As she spoke, Natsune leaned against the fence, and I took a spot beside her.
Then, she quietly rested her head on my shoulder.
“I was so happy when Mina-chan told me earlier that she wanted to become an idol after seeing me. It made me think that everything I’ve done until now wasn’t in vain… I felt that way. Someone who dreams of being an idol, who started as a VTuber in Star’s Flow… to have someone like that admire me and find their own dream. I was really, really happy….”
“Yoru, sis….”
“You know? I think Mina-chan is awesome. Her clumsy side. Her kindness to everyone. How she doesn’t want to lose and often gets stubborn… And even if she falls, she still smiles and stands back up. I think she’s really amazing.”
I was able to be like this only because of Natsune and everyone else.
“So… I shouldn’t, right?”
That thought I felt must be said was stifled by Natsune’s tears.
“I should support Mina-chan in finding her dream, right? Yes. I’m Izumi’s idol. If I ask her not to go… it wouldn’t be… right, would it?”
At those words, my body trembled.
Surely, the other members now in the living room were thinking similar thoughts.
And when the fact of my graduation reached Izutomo, they would undoubtedly be even sadder than this…
I realized I was stabbing a knife into the hearts of my precious people.
As that truth dawned on me, I felt tears welling up again.
I wished to erase it all.
Could my decision possibly be the result of some absurd inferiority complex…?
“U-Um, Yoru….?”
“No. I’m sorry, Mina-chan… That was just a joke, so please don’t mind it.”
As Natsune said this, I noticed the tear streaks on her eyes that hadn’t been properly wiped away.
“Mina-chan said she liked to see me shining in front of her…. So I’ll work hard until Mina-chan comes back. I’ll remain as the person she admires. Yes. Because I’m an idol.”
Upon hearing that, I could only quietly nod my head.
The autumn breeze felt cold.
★
Did I make a mistake?
Since my conversation with Natsune earlier, those thoughts had been swirling in my mind.
Even if I graduate, I can still meet with the members.
Perhaps that mindset led me to think too easily.
It was natural for my sudden decision to cause wounds beyond imagination, and for my Izutomo to experience an eternal farewell.
And I knew the pain my Izutomo would feel would be… beyond what I could imagine.
With Mom around, there might still be a possibility to return, even after graduation.
Even though I chose graduation to eliminate the path of escape, unconsciously I might have been harboring such hope.
If that was the case, it was an incredibly selfish mindset.
My heart felt heavy.
At the time I made this decision, I felt somewhat relieved, but now… No, it felt even more suffocating.
A sudden, incomprehensible foolish choice.
I want to apologize.
But then, who should I apologize to?
To the Izutomo who know nothing?
To the Manager/President and staff who said they would prepare the best graduation ceremony for me?
To my classmates who said they would support me?
To the seniors and juniors who said they would wait?
To Natsune, who said she would remain as the person I admire?
And if I have to apologize to one of them, what kind of apology should I offer?
Having already done it, should I ask for a chance to cancel?
…I don’t know.
“Sigh…”
“…Are you still up, Izumi? You have school tomorrow.”
The one who said that was Suzuha Koga, lying next to me.
The other members were still chatting in the living room, so Koga and I, who had said we’d head to bed first, were now lying together in bed.
“Is there something on your mind?”
“…A lot.”
“The fact that you, Izumi, can’t sleep until this hour? I guess I have no choice but to listen. Go ahead.”
Koga spoke like an older sister.
Well, she actually was my older sister, but… she was shorter and had a cute appearance.
“Ouch!”
Thwack! The sound echoed on my forehead.
“I’ll let it slide today.”
“Okay….”
“So? What’s bothering you?”
“…I’m wondering if my choice was truly the right one.”
After listening to me, Koga fell silent for a moment before asking again.
“Can I be honest?”
“…Yes.”
“Of course, I said I’d be the first to support you… but I think Izumi is being too harsh. This isn’t just about us. It’s too unfair for those Izutomo who truly care for you. You can’t just say it’s an unavoidable situation… It’s not that simple, right?”
“…Yes.”
I guess it’s true.
“Izumi said she was jealous of us and frustrated with herself, but I bet the other members were jealous of Izumi too. I’m included in that.”
“…Huh?”
“That’s only natural since Izutomo love Izumi so much. Izumi says that Izutomo are often a pain, but you know how much they love you. They might even love you more than we do. …Though that might be stretching it a tad, I guess.”
Koga continued speaking with a bittersweet smile.
“I learned this while working as an underground idol. In the end, without the love of fans, we are nothing. But with so many fans who passionately love Izumi, it’s impossible not to be jealous… And you just said you’d leave those fans behind.”
Her voice was gentle, but it pierced my heart like a dagger.
The emotions welling up were regret…
“Just don’t regret it, Izumi.”
And she gently took my hand.
“It’s already been decided; that’s not the same reason. You made that choice because you want to stand proudly beside us, right? You said you want to be an idol like Natsune Nanase, didn’t you? So don’t regret it. Have confidence. I may think you’re being too harsh, but I don’t want to see Izumi regretting. If Izumi smiles without regret, I will definitely… no, I will surely support you until the very end.”
With a soft smile from Koga, I quietly nodded.
…Though the regret still lingered.
A selfish choice still resided deep in my heart.
And thinking of it made me want to give up everything and collapse right there.
But still, I must get up.
The person I admire is someone who rises even when it’s tough.
The people who support me want me to march forward with a smile.
“I understand….”
I slowly wiped my tears and quietly lifted my lips into a smile as I closed my eyes.
And thanks to the warm embrace, I soon fell asleep.
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