Ego surfing.
Ego searching, also known in Japan as ego-sa (エゴサ), refers to the act of checking one’s reputation online.
So, is ego surfing a helpful action?
It’s the quickest way to confirm that one’s reputation has risen.
Conversely, it also means that one can see in real-time if their reputation has fallen, and when combined with the anonymity of the internet, it often leads to the worst outcomes.
Therefore, quite a few people have a negative view of ego surfing.
In fact, before my debut, my manager advised me to refrain from ego surfing.
“Ha….”
But knowing it’s bad, the scariest part of ego surfing is that in the end, one can’t help but indulge in it.
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[VTuber, Kainoh Izumi’s Anti-Thread 57]
…
45. I just hope she graduates quickly. A trash causing trouble around her.
46. Isn’t it insane for seniors to laugh at someone for not being good at games?
47. Why the heck did Star’s Flow pick someone like her?
48. The more you look into it, the more it reveals her flaws, not strengths, lol.
…
76. This girl is the main reason the company’s image is deteriorating.
77. I think I understand why she has no friends due to her Communication Impairment.
78. These kinds of people tend to have inflated self-confidence, making it worse.
…
93. The first-year students and my classmates are so unfortunate.
94. I’ve never seen a VTuber with no charm at all.
95. Why does she stutter so much? Sounds uncomfortable and doesn’t seem to want to fix it.
96. 95 << It’s just ruining the RP, making it harder to listen. ───────────────── “I want to fix it too…” But what can I do if I’m stuttering without even realizing it? It’s beyond my control. …No. “I… I don’t know.” At first, I thought this stuttering habit developed in this life was just an unfortunate habit. Thus, when I remembered my previous life, I believed I’d naturally improve over time. After all, I never stuttered in my previous life. Many supportive players reassured me that I was getting better little by little, and I felt it too to some extent. …Well, it’s somewhat unfortunate that it took five years for just one tiny step. But even that level is something only those who regularly watch my broadcasts can perceive. And more than anything, this means that I can eventually correct this stuttering habit, even if just a little. So, did I leave it alone all these five years, making excuses that I couldn’t help it or that I was used to being alone? Before starting my broadcasts, wasn’t I just ignoring it out of laziness? A deep sense of disgust rises in my chest. “This isn’t good…” I promised Suzuha to try and reduce negative thoughts, but… Once a seed of malice has been planted, it feeds on my emotions and grows larger and larger. ───────────────── [Virtual Ontuber Minor Gallery] [Title: Kainoh Izumi, this girl keeps causing trouble.] [Written by: ㅇㅇ] Why doesn’t Star’s Flow just graduate this brat? [Upvotes: 31 / Downvotes: 32] ㅇㅇ: For real, I don’t get why they keep her around, lol. Mei<3: Don’t slander our Mei-chan, you scumbags! ㅇㅇ: Is the drama machine back at it? Damn! … Maker: It’s disgusting how you keep causing trouble over nothing. └ㅇㅇ: For real, lol. Woahhh: Get this damn brat out of here quickly!! └Oya-bun🔸: We’re trying, but they keep swarming in. ───────────────── ‘Kainoh Izumi mocks senior Kurokami Hikari’s gaming skills.’ ‘Shows no respect for seniors.’ That was the reason for the current slander. It all began with nothing substantial—just pure baseless incitement, as someone said. But just like a tiny spark can ignite a wildfire, the slander often starts that way too. ───────────────── [Virtual Ontuber Minor Gallery] [Title: What’s hilarious about claiming it’s slander this time, lol.] [Written by: Hikaring] Did Izumi mock Kuu-chan’s gaming skills? X Honestly, at that moment, even if Izumi pointed fingers at Kuu-chan, no one could have said anything. Instead, Izumi was helping Kuu-chan with movements and skill distribution, which were not an issue at all. Did she show disrespect for Kuu-chan? X When Kuu-chan asked about her evaluation, teasing her is part of Kuu-chan’s broadcast charisma. If teasing is seen as disrespect, then nobody said anything when collaborating with Yukari and Suzuha last time. As previously mentioned, Izumi helped even when it was a situation where Kuu-chan could have gotten angry. But did she show any dissatisfaction after their collaboration ended? X During their members-only content, Izumi was called cute and incredibly polite throughout their collaboration, and she even promised she’d love to collaborate again. Izumi even said that she appreciated Kuu-chan’s kindness. Why the heck are those claiming it’s slander so off-base? The gallery’s been in chaos for three days over such a ridiculous topic? The actual fans found it entertaining and came back for more, and I was even a member supporting Izumi. Damn scumbags. [Upvotes: 68 / Downvotes: 32] Villainous Noble Young Lady: I upvoted while crying. Mei<3: Seriously, so many damn troublemakers. ㅇㅇ: Lol, should I just directly tell them they suck? We're going to stay in the same company anyway. └Hikaring: For real, there are always those who twist everything you do, lol.
…
I’m a raccoon, damn it 🔹: Don’t feed the trolls!
└Hikaring: But the gallery’s been a mess for three days.
ㅇㅇ: Lol, seeing you overreact confirms you’re a true fan, haha.
└Hikaring: If you’re not going to immerse yourself, why watch VTubers? You must be a fool!
└ㅇㅇ: That’s true, lol. If I want to get invested in VTubers, why should others care?
ㅇㅇ: It’s not even dawn yet.
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I know.
I know that many more people are supporting me.
I know that I’m truly not at fault.
So, I also know that this kind of slander isn’t worth my attention.
I know it all.
But the negative thoughts won’t leave my mind.
I need to draw strength from support, yet I keep focusing on negative comments, leaving me with nothing but misery.
What on earth did I do wrong?
Was it a mistake to step into the internet broadcasting realm when I can barely speak?
“…What the hell should I do?”
Naturally, there’s no answer from the monitor.
As I lose myself, my gaze finally lands on an album.
[Natsune Nanase: Are you okay? If you’re having a hard time, let me know. I’m your senpai, so I’ll do my best to help!]
That message, which used to empower me just by being read, now feels like poison.
[Every time during the broadcast, I’m so happy when you tell everyone you’re the eighth star. Thank you always!]
[Izumi will surely become a beloved, amazing VTuber. You and I are similar.]
The image of Natsune and her words began to engulf me.
Those words had genuinely made me happy once; why, for some reason, now do they invoke no feelings at all?
On the contrary, only negative thoughts continue to pile on.
“Why?”
Why did she accept me?
What does she know about me that makes her encourage me?
I hate it. I’m scared.
The ‘Kainoh Izumi’ that you cheer for is actually a worthless, humble creature.
I have no skills at all, only causing trouble around me, viewed solely with disdain just like now.
I’m even too weak to keep a promise with friends.
I wish Natsune would dislike me instead.
Then I could be happy just by being in the same company.
The fact that she supports me and says she’ll help terrifies me.
Imagining Natsune’s displeased expression knowing my reality makes me feel nauseous.
“Ugh. Haaah… Hah, haa….”
As my emotions become intense, unwanted tears streamed down my face.
I, who cry often, no, I resent the me who exists now so much.
I’m truly sorry, Suzuha.
I promised to reduce my negative thoughts, but I couldn’t do it.
I suppose this is the extent of who I am.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Truly, I’m sorry.
★
Kayanoh Mina.
The name of a female student always at the center of attention in the first-year class A at Shiodome Private High School.
Her chestnut hair, flowing down past her waist, is soft and lustrous.
Her mysterious blue eyes spark curiosity, as if she were a mixed breed.
Her smooth skin and adorable features enhance her dog-like charm to the max.
Moreover, her body is well-balanced without any excess fat, earning her many comparisons to a doll.
However, the reason she always stands at the center of attention isn’t merely due to her appearance.
It’s largely due to the cold atmosphere that contrasts sharply with her doll-like, cute looks.
As someone once said, just catching her eyes can make you hold your breath due to her sharp gaze despite her soft expression.
Someone else said that whenever Kayanoh opens her mouth, it feels as if the air freezes.
Classmates have no idea why she chooses to be alone.
Up until now, even outside of the class president, Miyauchi, hardly anyone has spoken to Kayanoh, and even she has never had a private conversation with her.
Once, the idea that she was just extremely shy had come up, but it only earned scoffs, as they wondered what could make someone shy with a look like hers.
Anyway, getting back to the point, the atmosphere in the first-year class A of Shiodome High School has been quite poor for the past week.
The reason is simple.
Kayanoh’s atmosphere has been far colder and heavier than usual.
If her usual demeanor merely made her seem unapproachable, now it makes one feel tense being near her.
Kayanoh’s seat is near the center of the classroom, which naturally affects those around her.
“I’m sorry. As you know, I haven’t had a personal conversation with Kayanoh either…”
“I thought as much.”
At Miyauchi’s reply, Tateyama let out a big sigh.
Since the start of the second semester, Tateyama hasn’t spoken to Kayanoh even once.
Actually, it would be more accurate to say that she hasn’t been able to.
Tateyama had tried to subtly linger around Kayanoh, but she wouldn’t even glance in her direction.
“Guess I should just try talking to her myself…?”
Nonetheless, having a continuously gloomy classroom isn’t ideal.
Then, let’s resolve the issue by talking directly with Kayanoh and, as a side bonus, try to build some rapport for occasional chats.
Motto: ‘The more friends, the better,’ Tateyama set out that plan.
“Ahem, hmmm~.”
Now it’s after the ending bell and time to go home. Tateyama hums a tune while casually approaching Kayanoh.
Everyone in Class 1-A cheered for Tateyama in their hearts, and as she finally got very close to Kayanoh, she cleared her throat and spoke up.
“Um, um, Kayan…”
“Ah….”
But at that moment, Kayanoh suddenly stood up.
“…Oh, Tateyama? Do you… need something?”
“Uh, ah, no, Kayanoh…”
“…I see. Then, I’ll be on my way…”
Kayanoh shook her head casually and slightly bowed before leaving the classroom.
“Haah….”
Watching Kayanoh’s back, Tateyama let out a big sigh.
“I hope whatever the problem is gets resolved quickly…”
At Miyauchi’s murmuring, everyone in Class 1-A nodded in agreement.
★
[Natsune Nanase: I have a favor to ask, can you help me? (^_^)]
[Kainoh Izumi: Can we talk about this when I get home?]
[Natsune Nanase: Of course! Take your time coming over! ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ]
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