“You seem to have quite a unique accident.”
I heard someone whispering that in my ear.
My toes were wet. It felt like I was lying on the beach with just my feet in the water.
No, on second thought, my body felt damp all over.
“It’s cold…”
I was shivering. In the cold night, I found myself trembling as I haphazardly lay on the beach.
“Mom.”
“Hmm.”
Hearing my murmur, the other person fell into thought.
“Where is Mom?”
I couldn’t see anything. It’s not that my eyes weren’t open; they just literally didn’t work. Is this what it feels like to go blind?
Swish—
The waves rushed in, washing away the sand that supported my body. My legs sank deeper into the water, and soon it rose to my waist.
I couldn’t muster any strength. Was it like being crushed under something?
“Mom?”
Why am I in this situation?
The last memory flashed vividly. Kagami was calling me. Probably flustered, gripping my neck tightly.
How deep was the wound? I remembered it hurt and was bitter, but I didn’t quite recall how much blood had flowed. I had never seen it with my own eyes.
I was somewhat breathless.
Did the boat capsize? Did I suffer a shipwreck? Did I drift and get washed ashore?
I didn’t know anything. I had no memory after that. I must have lost consciousness.
Despair welled up inside me.
Not being able to see wasn’t even the main issue. My desire to escape at all costs, even if it meant hurting Kagami, turned out to be completely wrong.
What happened to the others on the boat?
But, frankly, that didn’t matter much.
That was not something for me to think about. Considering what job I had in my previous life, it was a thought I shouldn’t have had. I was the person who went to rescue others even while the corpses of my family lay in front of me.
No, that’s not it.
I had been regretting that act all along. I should have at least taken out the body, even if it was unrecognizable. I should have embraced even the broken remnants.
Even if they couldn’t come back to life, it was something that shouldn’t have been left as is.
The car was engulfed in flames. I could search for the bodies to some extent, but I couldn’t give them a proper burial.
No, I probably didn’t even think of burial. I would have buried my family in the ground. There should have been room for me to kneel beside them from time to time. For the younger sibling who had just started to drink, I could have offered a bottle of soju and shared a drink with my parents too.
But that couldn’t happen. The bodies had become too small to even fit into a single urn. I shouldn’t have done that then.
I shouldn’t have done such things.
If only I had done so, if only I had traveled together that day, I could have just gone along with them. I wouldn’t have to be all alone.
“…… No.”
Yeah, I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be left alone this time too.
In truth, I couldn’t do anything by myself.
Even at that age, I felt like a child. Even at that age, I was still watching cartoons and buying games just like when I was younger. My parents would come with side dishes every weekend to see me at home. After they passed away, I bought all the side dishes. They all tasted different. But I missed out on every chance to learn all that.
If only I could have someone beside me to teach me this and that as I became an adult and alone. I wished I had a dad who could tell me what to do and how he enjoyed himself when he was my age—how nice it would be if we bought a whole roast chicken together and since I had grown up, shared a bottle of soju while talking about life.
“I don’t want to! I don’t want to! I don’t want to…!”
I thought this life would be different.
I was a daughter, and Kagami was my mother. There was no dad, but I thought the two of us could be happy for the rest of our lives. I believed that after living normally for years, making friends, eating delicious things, going to amusement parks, going to the beach, and watching the fireworks, we could continue living like that every year.
I thought I could layer memories upon memories as I got older.
Everything got ruined. All of it.
Maybe because of me.
Because of my existence.
Unable to move my body, unable to see, I just trembled from the cold and cried.
“Such…”
The voice seemed to say something awkwardly.
But, honestly, it felt like that was just an act. I really didn’t know; I wasn’t interested in that voice. I just wanted to hear Kagami’s voice again. I hoped that the second chance wouldn’t just end in failure.
I wish being stranded in the sea didn’t mean I was alone but that Kagami was with me and that she would shake my shoulder and wake me up.
It wouldn’t matter if I was in a place with nobody or without friends. I just wanted to live together with her.
“Um, handling a child is quite awkward.”
A woman’s voice said that, and she gently patted my head. The touch felt a bit awkward.
“But, you don’t have to worry.”
The woman said.
“This can’t be the end. It was not as if she made you so weak.”
The woman whispered in my ear.
Before I could even comprehend her voice, I fell asleep again. My body felt heavy, and the cold faded away.
As my consciousness plunged deep into slumber, the woman spoke.
“You don’t have to worry. Anyway, a day will come when we meet again. I just hope you can enjoy yourself a bit more.”
The woman whispered in a small voice. Or maybe the sound was just getting quieter and quieter.
“Well then, this is farewell for now. Farewell. I’ll be waiting. I will gladly wait for the day you’ll call me from that side.”
The woman said that and slowly pushed me into the water.
Maybe my consciousness had drifted too far, because even as I sank with the waves, I didn’t notice I was holding my breath.
I was just thinking.
If I kept going like this, wouldn’t I be able to meet my family again?
In the deep sleep, I only thought about that.
*
The sensation of cold night air filling my completely empty lungs didn’t feel pleasant at all.
My chest hurt tremendously. It felt like my heart had been stopped for a long while too.
I took several breaths and coughed.
“Koto Ne!?”
A scream echoed. The content of the words was clearly calling me, but it felt like nothing but a scream.
The person who called me rushed to my side but hesitated to touch me. They couldn’t figure out whether it was okay to touch me or not.
I knew what that feeling was like. It was someone who cares too much for me—someone who wants to do the best for me in a world where that isn’t easy.
Since childhood, carrying more than they could handle, taking responsibility for me as well—
I raised my hand through blurry vision. As I waved it around, Kagami carefully took my hand.
That hand was warm.
It wasn’t wet at all.
Slowly, the sounds around me became clear. Swish, swish, the sound of waves crashing against the boat echoed, and the boat swayed a little.
Ah, this wasn’t my first time on a boat. I had been on a boat that moved across a lake at an amusement park with Kagami. Was that a boat? There might have been rails below; I couldn’t remember.
The boat I was on now was swaying much more violently. It must be running far away somewhere.
“Koto Ne, are you okay?”
I tried to say something, but all that came out was a cough.
“No, Koto Ne. It’s okay. So, don’t force yourself to speak.”
My throat was scratchy. Inside and outside felt dry, and something was touching me on the outside. When I raised my hand to carefully feel it, it felt like a bandage.
Ah, right, I had poked my neck with a gift from Harumi.
“……”
Kagami kissed my hand, and then collapsed on top of me.
“Koto Ne, why, why did you do that? Why, why…?”
Because this time, I didn’t want to lose.
Knowing there was an opportunity right in front of me, I didn’t want to just let it go.
……
Is that so?
Did we travel out to sea on a boat? Where are we going now?
I couldn’t think of any place at all. I thought those who rescued us would have prepared well.
More than that, I felt a bit relieved.
My heart was pounding intensely. Kagami seemed to sincerely want to feel that, as she placed her ear on my chest.
I felt her grip tighten on my hand.
We were alive.
We were hurt, but yes, we were alive. At least, this time.
We could continue living again.
Somehow, if I fell asleep again, I felt like Kagami would worry—
The feeling that I might not be able to see Kagami again made me uneasy.
So, I forced my eyes open and felt Kagami’s warmth.
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