In my previous life and again in this one, I feel the same way: the process of becoming close friends is indeed strange.
If we focus on just one cause, I simply attended the same kindergarten as Harumi, and Yuuki was in the same class as both of us.
But maybe because we’re so close, we have more opportunities to learn about each other, and more chances to play together?
Before we knew it, we had become friendly enough that we didn’t want to be apart.
Um, well, to be precise, it’s more Yuuki and Harumi who think that way; I have a slightly different judgment on it.
Yeah, we’re close friends, that’s for sure. Even if I feel there’s a significant age gap, socially speaking, both of them regard me as a ‘close friend.’
However, even friends you think will be lifelong tend to see their relationships change as they grow older.
Even if you know someone since elementary school and graduate from high school in the same neighborhood, as you grow older, class separations and different subjects make the emotional distance greater.
Moreover, the sticky memories from elementary school start to fade and get oddly compressed by mid-teen years, so by adulthood, not much remains in the head.
Still, I’d like to continue knowing them for as long as possible…
“…Hey.”
As I was lost in thought staring out the window, someone tapped my shoulder.
Turning my head, I saw Yuuki there.
What’s fascinating is that despite hanging out with us, Yuuki’s skin hasn’t tanned at all. Is he just naturally that way?
I haven’t met Mr. Yamashita that many times, but every time, his skin was darkened.
Or perhaps he had naturally darker skin like Harumi?
Then that would mean his mother has skin as white as jade?
“Huh?”
Maybe it’s because it’s close to summer vacation, but I felt a bit dazed.
I may be mentally an adult, but that doesn’t mean my body is one. If the kids get tired from moving around, I do too. If they’re influenced by the weather, I’m obviously affected as well.
As expected from an expensive school, there’s an air conditioner, but I can’t even dream of it getting as cold as 18 degrees like at home in my previous life. Still, having AC is something to be grateful for; when I was a kid, our school only had fans.
When Yuuki saw me staring blankly at him, he seemed a bit uneasy, fidgeting with his fingers and, after a moment of hesitation, took a deep breath as if to just say this next thing.
“D-do you want to come over to my house?”
And he said that.
I blinked a few times.
Hearing that made me feel a little more alert. No, rather, it’d be more accurate to say that it means I have something to think about now.
Yuuki’s house is the place with that ‘Mr. Yamashita’ after all.
Setting aside the fact that he looks like a classic yakuza, thinking of the unknown and delicate relationship between Mr. Yamashita and Kagami makes it seem a bit dangerous for me to visit Yuuki’s house uninvited.
I wonder if Yuuki asked his parents for permission?
…Probably not. Back when I was little, I often invited friends over without getting my parents’ permission.
Seeing Yuuki’s expression darken just as I paused to think made me want to quickly speak up, but instead, it was Harumi who raised her hands and shouted.
“Let’s go, let’s go!”
…
Oh, right. Now that I think about it, Harumi has never been invited to anyone else’s house either.
Maybe she didn’t think about going herself, and the other kids preferred to go to Harumi’s place instead.
Seeing Yuuki’s face brighten up in response to Harumi’s words, I couldn’t bring myself to say, “I’ll think about it.”
I feel fine about going over to Harumi’s house, but feeling hesitant about going to someone else’s seems… a bit discriminatory, doesn’t it?
In the end, I spent the entire day worrying about it until class finished.
*
If I had a more casual relationship with Kagami, it might have been easier to relay Yuuki’s invitation to her.
I’m not saying I feel a wall between myself and my mom, but rather that there’s a fundamental premise of ‘I shouldn’t know things that I shouldn’t know.’
Now that I’m in first grade, I can sense something about my parents’ situation.
But that doesn’t mean I accurately grasp the entirety of their circumstances.
I’ve seen Kagami and Mr. Yamashita talking when I was very young, so I think there’s some sort of relationship there, but—well, who knows.
At this age, thinking things like “he looks like a yakuza” or “there must be some deep reason why my mom took me and ran away” might not be the right way to interpret things.
Simply remembering things could be weird.
So now, to ask, “Can I go over to Yuuki’s house?” I feel like the atmosphere isn’t quite right.
It might look like I’m picking up on the fact that Kagami is a bit uncomfortable around Mr. Yamashita. I’ve only seen them together twice, after all.
…But I’ve already been relying on Harumi’s family, who has Mr. Fukuda, who is a yakuza as well, so why would I hesitate about visiting another kid’s house?
Eventually, the words that came out after thinking were these.
“Mom, Yuuki invited me to his place!”
Elementary school students are usually impulsive, and when they say “let’s go over,” it often turns into “let’s go today.” But I think Yuuki has a slightly more planning mindset when he talks.
When Yuuki said “come over,” it didn’t mean “come over today.”
“Okay! Then I’ll ask Dad!” Yuuki told Harumi and me.
So that gave me a bit of leeway.
That evening, when I relayed this to Kagami at home, she halted in her cooking.
The tap-tap-tap of the knife hitting the cutting board suddenly stopped, and it was a bit scary to witness.
“Yuuki, you say?”
Kagami looked at me seriously, unlike her usual smiley face.
Seeing such a serious expression from Kagami made me feel a bit intimidated.
I know she’s much younger than me, but honestly, I can’t help but feel something when I have to look up at her like this.
“Ah.”
My reaction seemed to throw Kagami off for a moment.
“Sorry.”
Then, she quickly put the knife down and crouched down to look at me eye to eye.
Having just been handling food items, her hands were dirty, so she couldn’t touch me right away. But she smiled a little while maintaining eye contact and said,
“It should be fine if you want to go…”
But her voice lacked conviction.
“I’ll… talk to Yuuki’s father.”
“…Okay.”
Clearly, something is amiss.
Maybe it’s related to why Kagami was so concerned about bringing me along.
But despite that ‘something,’ Kagami treasured me enough to somewhat ignore it.
At this point, I felt like I shouldn’t have asked in the first place.
It’s a story that’s regrettable for Yuuki, but to me, the most treasured person is Kagami. If just a simple visit could lead to something unpleasant, I’d be happy to back out of it.
While my relationship with Harumi and Yuuki is important, I didn’t want our family to be torn apart.
*
Kagami was delighted to see the change in Koto Ne.
Koto Ne, who didn’t seem like a child at all, was gradually becoming more childlike the more time she spent with Kagami.
But that doesn’t mean her way of thinking was regressing.
Rather, you could say she was learning a kind of innocent childlike charm.
Even though her birth method was entirely different from other kids, Koto Ne was finding her own color beside Kagami.
So when Koto Ne did the same things as the other kids, Kagami wanted to embrace that.
Hearing Koto Ne say she wanted to go over to play at Yuuki’s, extending the time they spent together.
Also wanting to celebrate holidays like Christmas as much as possible.
And not saying anything against Harumi and Yuuki going here and there was all for the same reason.
“……”
In their cramped one-room apartment, Kagami looked at the sleeping Koto Ne next to her and pondered.
The Yamashita house is not just a place with yakuza; it’s also deeply connected to Kurosawa Kosuzu—Kagami’s sister.
Though he may not be part of that family anymore, danger is always lurking.
…Right.
It’s true that going to school with those kids up to this point may not have been the safest choice.
Ultimately, it was because Kagami didn’t have the ability to run away completely by herself.
Because Kagami couldn’t raise Koto Ne as a completely normal child.
Thus, she had no choice but to remain in such a dangerous place.
Kagami gently patted Koto Ne’s head, brushing aside the hair covering her face to tuck it behind her ear.
“Mmm.”
Koto Ne let out a soft whimper and turned towards Kagami.
The most adorable daughter of Kagami.
The only ‘family’ left beside Kagami that she absolutely didn’t want to lose.
…In the end, Kagami couldn’t come to any conclusion regarding Koto Ne’s words.
All she could think was that she wanted to meet Mr. Yamashita as soon as possible to talk.
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