I prefer autumn over spring. sigh
It’s just that the transition from cold to warm feels more refreshing than the change from hot to cool.
More than anything, summer in Korea and Japan doesn’t just mean rising temperatures. The humidity goes up too, and even the slightest annoyances can get under your skin. Yeah, and it rains too. I dislike rainy days.
And above all—there were always people I remembered when spring came around.
The season when I lost my family in my previous life isn’t exactly spring. But my younger sister was supposed to start going to school in spring.
Spring brings the possibility that things could have been different, so during that time, I worked harder and fell asleep as if I were returning home. When I was extremely tired, I sometimes didn’t even dream, which meant I didn’t have nightmares.
……
Kagami doesn’t know that.
She just smiles at me, as if being with me is the only reason the world looks beautiful no matter the weather.
Even now.
“Kotone, Kotone.”
“Yeah.”
“How are you? Isn’t it too cold?”
“It’s warm.”
The weather is warm, but not too hot yet. It’s still a few months until the real summer hits.
As long as I don’t wander outside too late, it’s a great day for a walk.
Kagami is sitting in a sunny spot, and I’m sitting on her lap. Even if a chilly breeze blows, Kagami’s body and arms block the wind, and her body heat wraps around me, so it’s not too cold.
It’s crowded since it’s the weekend. I bet all the kids came here with the same purpose as us.
Like Kagami and me, people have spread out their mats on the grass, looking up at the sky.
swish, something pretty falls into my view, swirling down.
Cherry blossom petals.
They’re so pale pink they almost look white, fluttering and being blown around in the wind as they fall.
I’ve seen something like this even before I moved here. Even if it’s not a place densely planted with cherry trees, there were always a few scattered around the forest or somewhere in the neighborhood.
Of course, it’s not often you see such a full view of blossoms.
“Isn’t it pretty?”
Kagami said, hugging me a bit tighter.
“Yeah.”
Yeah, it was beautiful. A sight that could only be described as magnificent.
I feel like I’ve seen this in my previous life too. I have memories of going flower viewing with my parents and younger sister.
When did I stop seeing things like this?
whoosh, as the wind brushes by, petals float down from the trees once more. Even though so many petals are falling, the trees still look full of flowers, as if they’d never get depleted.
This beauty that seems to last forever won’t last too long. The cherry blossoms almost all fall off within two weeks.
That doesn’t mean the trees lose their charm. When the cherry blossoms fall, green leaves begin to sprout slowly, and until autumn when the leaves drop, they’ll proudly show off their green appearance.
But the reason people prefer this flower to the trees’ green appearance is probably because that period is way too short.
As I wiggled my body, Kagami released her arms.
I stood up.
In the past year, I’ve grown a lot. A one-year-old, small and weak, can run around in ten years, and after just five more years, I’d be almost an adult. Some even stop growing entirely at that point.
So, it makes sense that I’d grow this quickly.
Kagami seemed to enjoy watching me move around.
Well, it wasn’t just because I wanted to show her that I could move.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been around younger kids like Harumi that I was able to find a little bit of that childish spirit myself.
I suddenly wanted to catch the petals falling from the sky.
They say if you catch a falling petal, your wish will come true.
Or was that for fallen leaves? shrug Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I just wanted to try.
But it wasn’t easy. Even if I’ve grown, my arms and legs are still short, and my precision in movement isn’t that great. Still, I think my stamina is a definite kid’s strength, but it’s not easy to catch even one tiny petal when it comes to all the other factors.
I heard laughter from around me.
They weren’t teasing me; it was just that probably a cute little kid flailing around trying to catch petals was cute enough to make them laugh.
But still, it’s embarrassing, and that embarrassment was real.
In the end, I gave up on catching the petals and turned back to run to Kagami.
Seeing me run around just looked cute, I guess; Kagami was grinning widely.
As I ended up in her arms naturally, she hugged me once again as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
I looked up at Kagami.
“Ah.”
“Hmm? What’s the matter?”
But I didn’t answer; instead, I reached my hand toward Kagami’s face.
Then, I caught a petal stuck in her bangs.
“Got it.”
As I said that, Kagami couldn’t hold back her joy any longer and hugged me even tighter.
“Kotone.”
“Yeah.”
As I quietly stared at the cherry blossom in my hand, Kagami whispered softly.
“Kotone.”
And once more.
As if she wanted to confirm I was really there.
As if she wanted to confirm this isn’t a dream.
It’s certainly strange.
How can someone be so devoted? Just because I’m her daughter, she’s so fond of me?
They say it’s a parent’s love, but there are always parents in the world who ‘aren’t like that.’
Especially for those who have an unwanted child, they might not think of that child too fondly. Especially if they’re still minors with undeveloped thoughts.
……Kagami was much younger when she gave birth to me than she is now.
Why is this so?
“Kotone.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you happy?”
“Yeah.”
I nodded my head.
Kagami inhaled deeply at my answer, then whispered softly,
“I’m happy too.”
“…….”
I quietly gazed at the cherry blossom petal resting on Kagami’s head.
Right now, Kagami isn’t even twenty years old yet. Though she doesn’t have much time left.
Her youth, which could easily pass by in a blink as she goes to high school just like everyone else, all went into raising me.
Even if Kagami told me she was happy, I couldn’t fully believe her words.
She must have had hard times. Did she regret even once? No matter how well I listened, my survival was truly dependent on Kagami taking care of me.
Even if the petals fall away, I hope Kagami’s remaining life can be filled with happiness.
If someone as devoted as she is can’t bloom green leaves like the ones that rise after the flowers have fallen, it would break my heart.
……
Still, Kagami is here with me.
In this world, I am not alone.
I truly think that’s a blessing.
*
The kids around me are growing as fast as I am.
Especially Harumi.
Boys generally grow a little slower than girls, so there are still many kids around my height, but Harumi was growing taller by the day.
I distinctly remembered that when we first met, we were eye-level, but now I found myself looking up at Harumi.
That was… a bit shocking.
It’s funny to feel competitive towards a little kid, but regardless of my child’s body, looking up at adults is vastly different from looking up at ‘little kids.’
“Kotone, you’re so cute!”
And the kids show their superiority in very simple ways, which makes it even weirder.
Harumi would pat my head and hug me as if I were a doll, with no regard for our height difference. Because the difference in strength was just as significant, I found myself being tossed around by Harumi.
How do I feel about this? Um, it’s not bad, just a bit annoying. I mean, what’s the point in getting angry at kids over something like this?
I was just a little anxious.
What if I really don’t grow anymore?
“…….”
Then, I suddenly thought of Kagami, who has such a tall figure.
Hmm.
“Kotone?”
As I straightened up with some confidence, Harumi, who had grabbed my hand and was pulling me along somewhere, tilted her head.
“It’s nothing.”
I just was reminded that my genes also came from Kagami.
Yeah, maybe I could grow taller than Harumi after all.
Future things are unpredictable. The rate at which kids grow can vary greatly still.
“Hmm?”
As I looked at Harumi, who furrowed her brow, she tilted her head in confusion.
……
What am I doing with this kid?
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