Though people are animals that adapt, it was unfortunately not easy for me to adjust to my life.
Luckily, there are no people who look at me oddly in such a way. In the teachers’ eyes, I was positioned as a “child who is particularly shy,” and among the other kids… um, I’m even doubtful whether they understand the meaning of “weird.” At least, these kids don’t ostracize me just because I’m quiet.
Maybe, the pretty face I inherited from Kagami might have helped.
And among those kids, there was one who particularly liked me, and that was Harumi.
Harumi would hold my hand and drag me around the kindergarten. In fact, since I’ve never really rejected her, it might be natural that she isn’t getting tired of it.
Playing with little kids was quite a painful endeavor in many ways, but still, to prevent Kagami from worrying about me, I tried to maintain at least a minimal friendship with the kids. When Harumi spoke to me, I would respond, and that was part of it.
Typically, Harumi would initiate a story, and I would cautiously analyze it to come up with my reply, alternating between us.
In that process, the stories I could hardly interpret—like tales of dreams from the previous night, stories from her imagination, or tales about the dolls she plays with at home—and the stories that left me at a loss for words—mostly about her dad—were few and far between in my head.
However, within those scant bits of information, there were very few things that I figured out which wouldn’t be bad to understand.
I can’t remember how it came up, but somehow, we ended up talking about “Why does Harumi play with me?”
“Pretty. Like a doll.”
“Uh… thanks?”
That seemed to be the first reason. After all, little kids do consider appearances. Even back in kindergarten, there were kids who talked about “dating” or “liking” each other, so it’s understandable that Harumi would want to be with me based on looks.
Thinking about her saying I’m “like a doll,” it seemed like she might be imagining me as her plaything at home.
“My dad said to get along well.”
The second reason gave me something to ponder.
It might just be the simple parental advice of “You have to be friendly with the other kids?” Seeing me quietly sitting in a corner might have instilled a sense of obligation to “play with me.”
If that’s not the case, maybe Harumi’s dad explicitly told her, “You should be friendly with that one.”
In this case, it would mean that Harumi’s father might know about me.
Kagami is somehow involved with the Yakuza and is under the protection of Mr. Yamashita. I’ve never met him since then, and while I haven’t spotted anyone suspicious around us, I still think that person is likely watching us.
I can’t be sure if Harumi’s dad has any relation to that man.
“What does your dad do?”
“I don’t know!”
Harumi answered my question with such an innocent expression that I couldn’t bring myself to ask anything further.
However, it didn’t take long for me to start leaning toward one of my two guesses.
*
There is also an art exhibition in the kindergarten.
Kindergarteners often aren’t fully grown enough to use their bodies perfectly, so even if it’s called an art exhibition, it often ends up being more of a talent show… Well, isn’t that just the nature of parental hearts?
When parents see their kids go out and dance, sing, or act on stage, the awkwardness and clumsiness don’t really matter. All that they can see is their beloved child.
The rehearsals for the exhibition started pretty early. Since young kids aren’t easily controlled, it’s better to take the time to practice repeatedly.
Above all, it was probably also a time to swap roles for kids who may say they don’t want to participate.
“Did you sing?”
After kindergarten, while going home and telling Kagami what I did today, it was only natural that Kagami suddenly stood up and asked me that.
“Were you practicing singing?”
Her eyes sparkled with excitement.
Kagami never puts any pressure on me. The promise of “I’ll let you do what you want” has remained intact so far.
Even at her young teenage age, she works hard to earn money to support the household.
Although she has never directly told me, when I sneak a glance at the household budget book written by Kagami over her shoulder, I saw a separate amount titled ‘Koto Ne’s Tuition’ being saved. It seems that the money that Mr. Yamashita gave her that wasn’t used for my kindergarten fees might be going there.
How pathetic would it be if I couldn’t give money when a child verbalizes a desire to study? Kagami, even at this young age, is already preparing for such a thing.
When it comes to meals, she often gives me nearly everything delicious and reduces her meal portions. The straightforward sense that she’s willing to let herself go hungry just so I can eat well has almost made me burst out in a heavy feeling a few times.
Despite being just a child, Kagami’s devotion is genuine. Even at this age, she truly considers me her daughter.
Yet, I…
While Kagami looks at me with sparkling eyes, a gentle smile soon blooms on her face.
—It appears she thinks, “She wouldn’t do that, right?”
Yeah. I’ve never sung in front of Kagami. This too… was largely due to my personal shame. Humming a children’s song while doing some motions was a bit difficult for me in my current state.
…
But before Kagami could fully lose hope, I suddenly stood up.
“Koto Ne?”
Kagami called out to me, a bit surprised.
“I want to sing.”
Did I come off too resolute?
Maybe my tone was too firm for a child, but there was no trace of worry on Kagami’s face.
Rather, her eyes sparkled even brighter than before.
…If she wants that, she should just ask for it.
To be honest, I wondered if being overly protective and catering to her daughter was a bit much. Maybe it’s because she’s too young.
They say that very young parents often aren’t as devoted.
Various thoughts flickered through my mind, but still, I stood up, ready to do it.
Let’s do this.
I opened my mouth.
The shame of singing diminished more and more as I saw Kagami’s face while she listened to my song.
As if I received a birthday present, or more like, as if I received a once-in-a-lifetime gift, Kagami’s eyes welled up with tears.
…Logically speaking, no matter how well a kindergarten child sings, it wouldn’t be enough to make a listener tear up.
“King, king, king king.”
After finishing the song, my vision cleared.
The scent of Kagami filled the air.
I felt Kagami’s warmth as she tightly wrapped her arms around me.
“You’re wonderful. You’re wonderful, Koto Ne.”
Kagami said that while holding me close. I felt her brushing my hair.
As if she stood before the cutest being in the world, she held me tightly for quite a while as if she’d never let go.
“…”
What am I doing?
Just being inside the room makes me unable to do anything, I’m so tiny and helpless that I can’t even do house chores properly.
I’m merely a being that demands protection just for breathing and gives Kagami a hard time.
How can Kagami cherish me like this when she could have lived a normal life at school?
If I were Kagami, could I be this devoted?
…
I suppose it must be her nature.
Looking at myself being born as Kagami’s daughter, I surely can only say that I’m lucky.
*
Time flows slowly for kindergarteners.
As one grows older, the speed of time is said to feel faster, yet looking back, I don’t think that’s entirely wrong.
Back when I was in elementary school, classes felt like they dragged on forever, whereas now, working, time passes much more quickly.
Feelings of walking through fire might have led to that thought, but…
The time until the art exhibition flowed very slowly. During that time, I played with my “friends,” practiced, and worked hard to create something. Usually, whatever was made ended up as something I could hardly recognize.
I’ve lost count of how many times Kagami shed tears seeing my drawings, which could not be called good from an objective standpoint.
Recently, I feel like I’m gradually learning to “act like a kid.”
And as I act more childishly, it seemed like Kagami’s worries were gradually lessening.
Time flowed slowly, but when the time spent cradled in Kagami’s arms was slowly passing by, it was finally the day of the art exhibition.
Kagami was burning with determination to “definitely attend,” and she actually came.
Her face was adorned with heavier makeup than usual, and her clothes looked somewhat mismatched for a grown-up. I could feel her trying to blend in with the onlookers around her.
But I knew that it wasn’t because Kagami was trying to make an effort.
She wanted to disguise her age. I had seen her late into the night yesterday, researching how to wear makeup to look older in front of the mirror.
…Not for her sake, but so that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed.
This made me feel sorry for Kagami.
However, that pity didn’t last long.
“Ko-chan—!”
That voice, so familiar to my ears, rang out from a higher place.
As I raised my gaze, I saw Harumi waving her hand eagerly from up high.
I wasn’t the only one drawn to that direction.
That intense purple.
Dressed in purple attire from head to toe and wearing a leopard print shirt underneath, there was a yellow-haired man holding Harumi.
“Oh, so you’re Koto Ne. I heard that Harumi has been a lot of trouble for you.”
Looking up at the man speaking while raising his other hand, I wasn’t alone in having my mouth agape this time either.
…His overwhelming presence eclipsed Kagami’s slightly mismatched aura in an instant.
Seeing that, I was assured.
I see. This person is definitely a friend of Mr. Yamashita.
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