Chill…
It wasn’t exactly like a dagger piercing my chest, but I could feel a sense akin to lying in bed on a hot summer night while reading short horror stories on my smartphone.
The problem is, I don’t quite understand why I’m feeling this way.
Sure, it is a summer night, but it’s not like I was watching a horror movie or anything.
Koko and I didn’t bother going to places like cram schools. By thoroughly reviewing and previewing with Kagami and friends throughout the first semester, I managed to keep my grades up, and I felt somewhat confident about the exams.
These days, the days I go to the Literature Club Room have decreased. Usually, I either study at a friend’s house or they come to mine. Except for a bit of a distance, my friends quite liked coming to my place. It was the perfect environment, allowing us to just focus on studying without worrying about anything outside.
When I first had Koko, I patched up the ceiling I had broken, and I cleaned the room that had blood splatter on the walls and floor. In a way, it turned into a study room where you could stay overnight.
Oh, by the way, the guy next door has officially moved to a university research lab, so he emptied his room.
“Thanks for everything while it lasted!”
The guy seemed genuinely thankful as he said goodbye to Kagami.
Even though we followed him around… Um, he did see a rather unpleasant sight, but he still gained invaluable experience for his folklore studies.
Moreover, Kagami mentioned that the rent was really cheap. Honestly, I think it would be shameless to charge too much, but at least he had the common sense not to say such things when people move in.
“…I was grateful back then.”
I once again said goodbye to the guy.
If he hadn’t dashed out in a Yōkai costume that day, I would have surely sustained wounds that wouldn’t heal.
Would I be who I am now? No, I probably wouldn’t.
Moreover, in a way, the guy was also Koko’s benefactor. Koko had rummaged through his fridge for almost years to fill her belly. The guy might never know, but without that fridge, Koko would have long since starved or… been captured by someone after going outside and labeled as a monster, getting killed.
Thinking of that, that guy was indirectly our benefactor.
“No, I was just doing what anyone would do.”
“Do you know the location of the shrine?”
“Yes, I’ll visit if I have something to ask sometimes.”
The guy nodded in response to Kagami’s question.
And so, the room next to us became empty.
In reality, the guy who got a job at the research lab last year rarely used his room, so it was practically half-empty.
But thinking that only our family remained in this apartment felt a bit odd.
That said, I had no intention to tear it down and build a detached house. Personally, I’d like to keep this place as it is, fixing it up for a long time. Isn’t this the building I started living in this world? Even if I stop using it later, I hope there’s a place to return and reminisce.
But if the entire city gets redeveloped and disappears, there’s nothing that can be done.
…
The story sidetracked, but anyway, the other remaining room is being used for studying with the kids.
I thought it would be fun to lend one of those rooms to another kid later on. I planned to stay here even if I got into university, and since I run into one friend on the way to school every day, there’s no downside. Sometimes, Yuka or Harumi would make a really determined face about it.
In the midst of this intense studying, there was someone who studied with more enthusiasm than I did—Kagami.
Watching her study with sheer focus, it felt like observing a student studying for their life. For Kagami, it might be a kind of “unexperienced dream.” True to her nature, she seemed to follow the stereotype portrayed in the media almost directly when studying.
“…Oh.”
Ah, I understand now.
The reason for feeling cold in the middle of the night.
Without reason or premonition, I’ve come to a realization.
Kagami studies “too” hard.
More than a parent teaching her daughter something.
Perhaps she loves her two daughters so much that she wants to send them to the universities they genuinely want to go to—
But what if, just what if, it’s not that?
What if Kagami wants to go to university herself?
She might think that going to high school is a bit too much. Who knows if Hanagawa High School would accept students older than us?
In the 2020s, getting rejected can raise a whole lot of controversies, but it’s still the mid-2000s, isn’t it? There are certainly cases where someone would refuse entry just because, “You’re an adult studying with high school students.”
Most importantly, it would likely be burdensome for Kagami herself.
Yet, universities are a different story.
Though it’s not overwhelmingly common, there isn’t much of a fuss about older people attending classes with students. It’s a common place where there could be a one or two-year age gap, and by the time you reach graduate school, the concept of age seems to lose relevance.
What if Kagami wants to go to the same university as me, in the same department?
“…”
Hmm.
Earlier, I thought that was frightening, but now, thinking about it again, I wonder if it’s something to be scared of.
Of course, if we attend the same department, Kagami would definitely want to go everywhere with me, and I wouldn’t easily refuse her. In fact, if I really had to critique, I wouldn’t be able to pretend to be completely oblivious to her.
It’s not embarrassing to show Kagami in front of the kids. Honestly, aside from when she gets a bit excessive, isn’t she just a perfect mom painted in a drawing?
Pretty, acting like a friend with her daughter, caring for everything. Of course, this is all considering the past before I came to this world, but for now, she’s undoubtedly the ideal mom anyone could see.
Yet, even so…
Somehow… if I end up in the same department as Kagami…
Wouldn’t I become an irredeemable mama’s girl who brought her mom to university? Even if I don’t intend to think that way, other kids might see me that way.
Yeah, now I’m scared again.
I’m not scared about Kagami going to university or attending the same place, but that imagination terrifies me.
What should I do? I don’t want to stop Kagami or anything. I mean, as a person.
I don’t want to interfere with someone striving for a dream they couldn’t achieve before.
After all, on a summer night, lost in those thoughts, I couldn’t sleep late into the night.
*
“Koto Ne.”
“Yeah?”
“Are you worried about something?”
It seems that for several days afterward, those thoughts had manifested as a frown on my face.
I stared blankly at Kagami for a while.
Kagami blinked in slight embarrassment.
After spending about a year and a half in our ‘mother-daughter’ relationship, I feel we have gotten to know each other quite a bit.
We see each other at home every day, eat together, share stories from our day, and sometimes go out to play, and even go for walks.
Even though we don’t know everything about each other yet, I think we’re beyond what could be called ‘family’ by now.
For that reason, my staring silently at Kagami might’ve been a bit perplexing for her.
I rolled the pen in my hands this way and that before quietly putting it down.
Then, I sighed softly, scratched my head, and said, “Wanna walk outside for a bit?”
Kagami and Koko exchanged glances and nodded.
The three of us went outside, and honestly, I regretted it a little.
It’s summer vacation. Honestly, the reason summer vacation is so long is probably because the weather is so unbearable. In Japan, winter and spring breaks are much shorter.
But there was a reason I insisted on stepping out of the air-conditioned indoors to walk.
The very act of having such thoughts felt extremely stifling.
No matter how much Kagami is like a friend, right now she is undoubtedly much closer to me as a “mom.”
Growing up in a somewhat Confucian society, asking my mom something like “Are you going to university?” felt immensely problematic.
Doesn’t even asking feel like putting pressure on her to not go?
Moreover, if Kagami is indeed going after her dreams, I want to support her.
In the end, I wandered around for a while, unable to ask Kagami anything.
“Koto Ne?”
After walking for almost an hour, Kagami called my name again.
“…”
I pondered for a moment and resolved myself.
Because this way, it would lead nowhere.
“…Kagami.”
“Yes?”
“Um, do you want to go to university?”
“…”
At my question, Kagami momentarily lost her words.
After stammering for a bit, after a long period of contemplation—
She finally nodded.
I see.
I resumed walking slowly.
Koko had a puzzled expression as if she couldn’t understand why things were so stagnant, but for now, she just followed me and Kagami.
My site has received a lot of DMCA notices, lol. From now on, I will update the MTL on https://darkmtl.com/.
The site is fast and lightweight because there are no ads yet. However, the theme is different from Cybor-TL, so take some time to familiarize yourself.
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.