Koko looked exhausted.
I worried if she hadn’t eaten again, just like last time. This time was better, but still, Koko’s face was pale.
…I don’t want to lose her again.
I had already lost Koto Ne twice; losing Koko too would be too cruel.
Even if Yuka was in the center of it all, even if I couldn’t be forgiven.
Yuka hugged Koko tightly.
In Yuka’s embrace, Koko sniffled as if she didn’t know what to do. Her hands, which had weakly been hitting Yuka, hung limply down.
Noticing she carried a bit of weight, it felt as if all her energy had vanished.
“I’m sorry.”
Yuka said quietly.
She didn’t intend to make excuses. Even if she saved the world, Koto Ne was still gone.
I didn’t know if things would get better moving forward, but I wanted to protect Koko at all costs.
In the distant future, when I met Koto Ne again, I didn’t want to be so shameful I couldn’t even look her in the face.
I recalled Koto Ne’s last words.
Things she had wanted to do.
But things that had been unable to happen.
If I did one by one with Koko, would she be happy?
Could Koko be happy?
It would be very, very difficult.
Being forgiven by Koko and making her happy would probably take a long time.
But other than that, there was no other way.
I owed too much.
Yuka felt unworthy to represent all the remaining people, but still, as a friend, she wanted to repay that debt as much as possible.
“I’m sorry, Koko.”
Holding Koko, who was endlessly shedding tears, Yuka closed her eyes and said that.
“Uu….”
Koko made that sound.
“I’m sorry….”
Yuka had nothing else to do but apologize again and again.
*
Kagami said nothing.
In a way, perhaps Kagami was the one who didn’t belong there the most.
How did others perceive her?
Would she seem like someone who had endured until now, refusing to admit her daughter’s death, and was now finally holding a funeral?
Perhaps that wasn’t too far from the truth.
She hadn’t admitted it, had forced her to live, and ultimately it was as if she had caused her to die twice.
Not even a single tear fell.
Though it was Kagami herself who had poked Koto Ne in the back, in the end, it was Kagami who had made it inevitable for her to be pierced.
…If Koto Ne had not been born into such a family, wouldn’t she have had no reason to die like that?
If only she hadn’t been swayed by her sister’s words.
If she had never given birth in the first place.
Kagami knew that sounded strange.
If they had not been born, there would have been no chance meeting Kagami and Koto Ne. Even if Kagami had married some ordinary man and gave birth to an ordinary child, there would have been no way for Koto Ne and Kagami to intersect.
At least they wouldn’t have hurt each other.
Looking endlessly at Koto Ne’s coffin, Kagami fell into deep thought.
In the end, who was that time for?
She had wanted to be together until the very last moment, even amidst the destruction of the world. Why did she have such thoughts?
Perhaps it was because they didn’t know each other too well.
She might have wanted to talk, if even a little, with the first person she had developed affection towards after being born.
In the end, that time had passed.
Koto Ne had risked her life to save the world. Until the very end, she had tried to save even one more person. The lack of victims in the world that had ended was proof of that.
Was Kagami among them as well?
Had it been inevitable to save her while trying to save the world, or had Kagami included herself in that thought? She still didn’t know.
They hadn’t had enough conversations to know that.
But.
She knew this life was a debt.
It was a part of the world that Koto Ne had protected with suffering until the last moments.
…Whatever it was she should do or how she should live, it should have meaning.
Though Kagami had not learned that, she had to.
“…Ah.”
In the end, I let a sound slip from my mouth.
It was hard to hold back tears.
What was I to do now?
Why did Koto Ne suffer until the very end, because of Kagami?
I couldn’t even use the word “mom.” And cutting that bond was impossible.
I wanted to deny it somehow, but it didn’t go well.
Ultimately, Kagami collapsed forward.
With her hand on the ground, she bit her teeth and cried quietly.
What should I do?
Is it okay to live like this?
I had done nothing for her. Until just a moment ago, I hadn’t even thought to do anything, and after we exchanged words, I thought of her more as a subject of caution than as family.
Pulling time, delaying, delaying again. In the end, I had given her nothing.
Before coming here, I went to the room where Koto Ne and Koko lived.
It was very difficult to find something Kagami had given among the items there.
The rice cooker Koto Ne had used to cook was given by the boss of the workplace. The furniture in the house was mostly received from Yuuki and others like that. Even the blankets were the same.
What was needed was bought with the money she earned from her part-time job.
…Kagami had given her only a little heating equipment.
How did Koto Ne manage when there was nothing at home? Kagami did not even know that.
There was no bookshelf and the books were just lying around in the corner, she had no clothes to wear and was in her school uniform, and might have just laid on the floor where there was no blanket to sleep.
Thinking she couldn’t call her daughter that, she had just left her in such a place with nothing.
Could she really say it was fine to call such a person “mom”?
What she had tried to bring back could have just been for her own satisfaction.
—When I return, I had said I would call her by a different name instead of her actual name.
What was I trying to convey with that?
Kagami would probably never know the meaning of that.
That fact made her feel a hollow pit in her chest.
“I, now, how do I…?”
How should I live?
Should I just live without meaning, unable to die?
Because Kagami had lived that way for so long, it was too difficult to think up an answer.
…Strangely, it felt like Koto Ne, who was much younger than me, understood that.
*
My ears felt like they were submerged in water.
I had seen this scene before.
Water had pooled up to my ankles on the ground. Inside the water was nothing to see, only surrounding reflections mirrored like a mirror.
In the sky, stars seemed to pour down. It was not just twinkling stars; colorful cosmic space I had only seen in illustrations or photos was there.
“……”
This was the scene I had seen when I first died.
When I turned my head, there was a door just like I saw then.
In front of the door, there was a cat sitting.
“Meow.”
As if welcoming me, the cat sitting in front of the door cried out.
I walked toward it.
This time, it was really the last.
Going up the stairs, there must be a dream world waiting for me.
Maybe I would wait for the rest there, or in a place far beyond that.
It was a short time. Too short that it felt regrettable.
I cannot forget the last look of Yuka.
Yuka was crying.
She was trying so hard to smile at me while crying.
We had talked about the things we wanted to do together.
I really wanted to do those.
How many things could I do there? Ultimately, now I could not do them anymore.
I felt sad I could not send my last words to Koko and Kagami.
Both of them would probably suffer all their lives.
If I met them again later, I would not know how to comfort them.
And then, the other people who knew me.
There were so many people I couldn’t say goodbye to. Most would suddenly find out about my death.
They would be so shocked.
To those people, I had truly done something unforgivable.
Although there was no other way.
“Why do you look like that?”
As I approached, Kuro asked that.
She genuinely looked curious.
Having spent enough time with Kuro, I had somehow learned to read her cat-like expressions.
“Because it’s sad.”
I replied.
“I still had so much I wanted to do…”
I let out a little whimper and closed my mouth.
What was I doing talking like this at this age? Well, she called herself a god, so maybe it didn’t matter.
“Why not just do it?”
But those words made me a bit angry.
“Why? Should I just be reincarnated or something?”
I had already experienced something similar to reincarnation and thought it was a great experience, but still, saying that to someone who just died was too much.
“…Why do you reincarnate?”
Kuro asked me again with a look of disbelief.
Perhaps it was a suggestion to somehow enjoy the afterlife.
“…Well, I’m dead.”
“……”
Kuro stared at me for a while and then slowly opened her mouth as if teaching numbers to a child who doesn’t know them.
“What did I tell you when you passed through that door and climbed the stairs last time? What kind of world was that?”
“…You said it was the dream world?”
“Right. And the dream world is the place where the consciousness of the dreamer goes. Well, it’s not completely impossible to bring a physical body there. And it’s also a place where people who have fallen asleep forever sometimes come. For some, it might be an afterlife. But did you go like that?”
“No, the situation then and now is different.”
“Are you sure?”
“……”
Kuro looked up at me and said.
“Your sister said she would go ‘instead,’ right? Are you planning to just die and ignore that?”
“Uh?”
“Yeah.”
Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind.
I quickly turned around, and there was my sister.
Different from when I last saw her, her appearance was a bit more polished. Maybe this was her outfit from my previous life.
But before I could ask her about that attire, my sister placed her hand on my shoulder.
“What are you trying to die for, you fool?”
“Hey, wait a minute!”
Something ominous passed through my mind, making me shout.
A meow was heard beside me.
Kuro was smiling, a playful expression on her face.
It seemed she was planning something serious.
Before I could say anything, my sister pushed me hard on the shoulder.
“Then, this is really goodbye. I hope it takes longer than this to meet again.”
Before I could respond to that, I opened my eyes.
*
And the first thing I heard was a sob. A voice calling my name.
Through my closed eyes, I could tell it was a bright light pouring in, so it seemed to be in a building. Or maybe it was something unfamiliar… no, it felt a bit warm for that.
I couldn’t quite tell what I was wearing, but what I felt against my skin was a floral scent.
“……”
Opening my eyes was terrifying.
Is this, by any chance?
The place I was lying was bizarrely soft, with a blanket laid over me, and I felt something tickling on my exposed skin. Is this a flower?
Am I lying in a coffin right now?
My heart raced.
The first emotion I felt was joy, but the problem came next.
…It didn’t seem like a time to get up.
I heard Yuka, Kagami, and Koko’s voices.
All three of them were sobbing in a way that felt more sorrowful than any voices I had ever heard before. Trying to suppress their emotions was even more desperate.
The last time I heard such sounds was at my younger sister’s funeral.
Whether it was cultural differences or not, back then, people did not seem to hide their emotions while crying.
Lying there, unable to find my timing, I began to seriously ponder what to do.
Should I just fall asleep again?
Should I go and ask Kuro to take me along? Hearing such sobbing made me feel like I had to do that out of courtesy.
…Nah, that wouldn’t work.
I want to live. What I had said was sincere.
Of course, I wanted to jump out of this coffin right now and hug Yuka and Koko tightly.
Just thinking about it made my heart thump again.
And—
Suddenly, my vision went dark.
Was the coffin lid closing?
Ah, wait!
Thud.
In an urgent attempt to get up, I bumped my head on the coffin lid.
I wrapped my hands around my forehead and groaned, and my vision brightened again.
When I squinted at the suddenly bright vision—
I saw people’s faces.
Especially Kagami, Yuka, and Koko, whose voices I had heard most clearly.
All three of them had expressions that were beyond words.
……
Locked in a brief moment of eye contact, my brain sped up thousands of times as I came to a conclusion.
Alright.
Let’s run away for now.
I’ll think while I run.
I sprang up from that spot and burst out of the coffin.
I saw the faces of the people who had come to see my last moments.
Seeing those people subtly back away gave me the chance, and I ran.
With all my might.
I heard them calling me, and sounds of them rushing behind me echoed as well.
……
Looking back, I realized this was a wrong choice.
*
The funeral proceeded with a heavy atmosphere.
The atmosphere was very different from a funeral held in a temple.
If I had to say it was a Kurosawa-style funeral, it looked very empty with two representatives of Koto Ne’s family handling it.
There were no sounds of chanting sutras.
There was only the child’s mother sitting silently in front of the coffin.
After sitting there as if frozen for hours, Kagami finally fell forward.
Grinding her teeth and suppressing cries, and taking a few breaths, Kagami barely managed to stand up.
The gazes of all those gathered at the funeral turned toward Kagami.
If the people here understood somewhat about the relationship Kagami had with Koto Ne, even those who didn’t would likely agree that Kagami was… not an ordinary mom.
But at the very least, the expressions visible now were those of a mother who had lost her daughter.
She couldn’t keep lying there forever.
The departed must leave.
Though she didn’t go to the temple or chant sutras, a grave should be made for her, shouldn’t it?
As Kagami approached the coffin, the adults watching from a distance hurried to her side.
As they tried to close the open coffin lid—
Boom.
—the sound was heard from inside as they lifted the coffin.
Those adults nearest to the coffin looked at each other.
Kagami wore a somewhat dazed expression.
Kagami, Yamashita, Fukuda.
And Yuka, followed shortly by two family members of Yuka who arrived a bit later.
These were people who had directly or indirectly felt what “Kurosawa Koto Ne” was.
Especially Kagami, who had resurrected Koto Ne.
“……”
No way.
A thought flashed across Kagami’s face.
It wasn’t an overt expression.
Mixed with resignation and sorrow, her eyebrows only slightly twitched.
Kuro and Koko nearby were also affected by that agitation.
Both of them were looking at Kagami.
Kagami steadied herself a bit.
Perhaps the body inside moved on its own. It hadn’t lifted the coffin yet, but she had touched it.
In that case, she should get her posture right.
Since it had already been a body devoid of a spirit, how it was held could be meaningless.
But even so, it felt uncomfortable.
It seemed others felt they needed to confirm seeing Kagami’s expression, as they opened the coffin lid.
And inside was—
“……”
Koto Ne, covering her forehead with both hands.
Suddenly blinkered by a bright light, Koto Ne wrinkled her face and made a blank expression when she locked eyes with those looking inside the coffin.
“……”
Silence.
A silence so light that it seemed any material would weigh more than this lasted for a few seconds.
It felt like an eternity.
As if she had made a conclusion about the situation, Koto Ne’s action was very clear.
Koto Ne sat straight up in the coffin.
Not missing the shocked adults stepping back, Koto Ne jumped through.
And then she started running wildly.
Dressed in white funeral attire.
“…Koto Ne?”
Someone muttered.
“Koto Ne!”
Some shouted desperately, and others were too baffled to understand the situation.
It was only natural that would be the case.
The first person to start running after Koto Ne was Koko.
Koko’s figure, crying profusely and somehow smiling or frowning, was a bit scary.
Was there a reason she wasn’t using her ability—there was no time to think such thoughts.
“Wait, Koko, Koto Ne!?”
Immediately beside Koto Ne, Yuka startled and hurriedly followed.
Behind her came Shii, and then Sasaki next to Shii.
Kagami, who had been stunned, let out a strange scream before she began to run. All her previous ambiguous atmosphere had vanished.
People rushed behind her.
Koto Ne, whose face was painted bright red from running at full speed, surprisingly revived, and those in black clothes were earnestly chasing after her, some with strange faces, some smiling.
The chase continued even after they burst outside from the funeral home.
Koko leaped and pulled Koto Ne back, and as they rolled five times on the ground, Uka and Kagami jumped in.
Then Shii and her friends followed.
The adults could not even bring themselves to leap in to express their feelings. In fact, most seemed dazed, struggling to understand the situation.
But Koto Ne’s friends—
Whether they understood the circumstances or not, it didn’t matter to anyone.
They tightly held Koto Ne down.
So she wouldn’t run away anymore.
There was nothing to do about Koto Ne’s face that turned bright crimson beyond remedy.
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