“Not there? Not at all? Anywhere in the North?”
Gulp!
A thick sense of unease gradually materializes into reality.
A year from now feels like yesterday, and yesterday was the day of our promised wedding.
But why? How come?
Why isn’t Yoo Jin by my side right now?
“Ha······.”
Yoo Jin is gone.
Nowhere to be found.
All the photos we took together have vanished.
Even sniffing his scent in the bedding doesn’t bring back his smell.
I searched all over the North, but no sign of him at all.
“My lord. It seems there is no such person…”
“It can’t be true! Search every nook and cranny!!!”
As if he never existed at all.
As if I were just dreaming.
Yoo Jin’s touch that used to caress my ears is still so vivid.
The scent of him is right in front of me.
I have so much proof inside me that he was here.
But everyone keeps repeating that no such person exists.
“Do you still not believe me?”
“Of course, I believe you, my lord.”
“Stop lying! You don’t believe me! It’s real! I came back from the future! Want proof? It was July, so in a month! There’s a big fire at Karon’s house! In two months, it’ll snow for a whole week! In three months, Yoo Jin’s boots will be completed! And within that month, Yoo Jin will confess his love to me! Just you watch! Everything I say will come true!”
“Yes. I believe…”
Everyone just keeps saying they believe, believe, believe…
Ugh!
Nobody believes me.
They all think I’m crazy.
They think I’m just making up someone who doesn’t exist.
But Yoo Jin is real.
He was real.
I can still vividly remember that chiseled face… Huh?
“I can’t see. I can’t see Yoo Jin’s face…”
Blur…
Yoo Jin’s face is becoming blurry.
Startled, I rushed into the room.
I grabbed a pencil and tried to draw his face on paper.
This isn’t right.
Once more.
Again.
Again…
“AAAAAHHH…!”
My hands won’t cooperate.
I can’t translate the image in my mind onto paper.
Right now, Yoo Jin’s face is fading more and more.
On the paper scattered across the floor is only a vague cloud-like outline left behind.
I can’t draw Yoo Jin.
It’s as if reality is strangely blocking my attempt to bring him from my head to the world.
“Why! Why is this happening!”
Frustration.
It’s hard to breathe.
Yoo Jin is a real person.
So why doesn’t anyone believe me?
Sniff…
When I close my eyes, the scene from that day vividly unfolds.
An Ice Cave reflecting light in beautiful beams, floating in the air.
My safe haven that has given me peace since childhood.
I step into it with Yoo Jin.
I leave behind the cumbersome armor and sword sheath.
Dressed in a pure white dress I rarely wear.
Holding Yoo Jin’s hand, we venture deeper into the cave.
He whispers sweet nothings of love.
He forgives me for doubting him.
We share a token of love on our ring fingers.
At the moment our lips finally touch…
Tick…
Time has stopped.
Bizarre lights are flashing outside the cave.
Yoo Jin stiffens and turns his back to me.
I want to grab him.
But my body won’t listen at all.
I want to call out to him, but no sound comes from my throat.
Yoo Jin escapes outside the cave.
And my memory cuts off there.
Right after, I find myself back a year ago.
At first, I waited.
Until Yoo Jin would come to Palana.
Every day I ventured to the snowy mountains, waiting for that clumsy-looking man who came by transcontinental train.
I started to sense something was wrong after two months.
Yoo Jin, who should’ve already arrived, was still nowhere to be found.
Could he have arrived in the North and just missed me?
Is he spending time somewhere in the North?
With those thoughts, I searched every corner of the North.
I looked for someone named Yoo Jin.
I sought a man who practiced strange swordsmanship.
I wandered looking for a man whose very sight made me breathless and yearn for a shoulder to lean on.
“My lord. Perhaps you should stop and take care of national affairs…”
“Who said to stop?!”
Here I am, on the month of searching.
A month passed with no results, haven’t even found a trace of Yoo Jin.
It’s a thought I wish to avoid, but what if he was bitten to death by wild animals?
So for about ten days, I seem to have disturbed every mountain path around Palana.
I dug up every place smelling of blood, and every land that stank of rotting corpses.
Whether it was misfortune or fortune, Yoo Jin did not appear.
Then he must be somewhere.
At least there should be some evidence that he exists.
But why? Why has no one seen Yoo Jin?
Not a single record about him exists.
Everything is just like it is in my memory.
Except for the fact that Yoo Jin is not here.
Only Yoo Jin has completely vanished.
Could it be that the words of my retainers are true?
Could it be that Yoo Jin is really a person who doesn’t exist?
Am I chasing a mere illusion?
There have been countless times I’ve harbored such suspicions.
I’ve tried to forget him many times.
I often was haunted by the consciousness that I should just let go of this.
“I can’t give up… I can’t forget… How can I forget…”
Huff…
But I failed every time.
No matter how hard I try, Yoo Jin’s rugged yet affectionate touch and gentle voice keep coming back to me, making it impossible.
I couldn’t let go of the thread of hope.
“Alicia. This is just for you…”
“Yes, yes! What is it? Tell me anything. Lately, you’ve been acting strange. I thought I was going crazy from the frustration.”
“I have a favor to ask. I need you to find someone.”
So far, I’ve only searched the Northern continent.
The Southern continent is much larger, and there are a lot more people living there.
It would be foolish to give up before searching the South.
“A tall, North bloodline human man, and he’s handsome. Very.”
“Isn’t there anything more specific?”
“Umm. He knows how to use a sword, and he’s strong. Really strong.”
“How strong?”
“Strong enough to beat me.”
Snicker. “Are you messing with me, sister?”
I chose carefully who to send.
Only people I can trust.
Only those who won’t betray me even if I expose my weaknesses.
“What’s his name?”
“Um… I’m not sure about the name. He might go by different names elsewhere…”
I hesitated to say the name.
In this world where no one knows Yoo Jin exists.
In this place where only I remember him.
I feel uncomfortable teaching his name to someone who doesn’t know him.
It was a name I wanted to keep to myself.
A person I wanted to monopolize.
“So what exactly is it?”
“Yoo Jin…”
But I mustered the courage to share the name with a few select aides.
Then I dispatched them to various places in the South.
I sent them on their way with my last hope.
– I’m sorry. The man you mentioned doesn’t seem to be in Hameln.
– The same goes for Cologne.
– There’s no man fitting the criteria in Petenburg.
– Sorry, sister. I couldn’t find the man you’re looking for in Basel.
Whew…
Messages from my aides keep coming in one after another.
Strike out! Strike out! Strike out!
My last hope was denied.
I searched everywhere Yoo Jin might be.
Also places he shouldn’t be.
Ultimately, though it proved to be a misunderstanding, I searched places wondering if Yoo Jin had matched eyes with a priestess or witch, but that all came up empty.
“Where did you go, Yoo Jin…?”
That day.
In that moment when time froze.
Where did Yoo Jin go, and what was he off to do with that serious expression?
Curled up on my bed, pondering, a chilling possibility crossed my mind.
“Ah…!”
No way.
What if this was all Yoo Jin’s decision?
What if he chose to disappear?
Those ridiculous scenarios are starting to fit together.
What did Yoo Jin say that day?
What was the last thing he left me with?
“I’ve thought a lot. Our relationship has wobbled more than once, but I’ve revisited it each time. Did I truly do nothing wrong?”
At the time, it didn’t seem strange, but thinking back now, it feels abrupt.
My doubts about Yoo Jin were all misunderstandings born from my severe paranoia.
In all that time, Yoo Jin never once said sorry to me.
For him to suddenly apologize feels as if he’s someone standing at the brink of the end.
Like he’s about to die, he uttered words he never usually spoke to me.
“In the end, it all comes down to a burden we must bear together. No matter what happens, I want to be with you for a lifetime, Yerina. Will you marry me?”
I thought it was just a simple declaration of love.
I thought it held no huge meaning.
But now, as I trace each word, it feels quite significant.
He wants to be with me for a lifetime.
Right after leaving those words, Yoo Jin left the cave with a serious expression.
He vanished from my side.
A contradictory action.
Now it’s clear what it means.
“You’re asking me to find you…?”
Find me, is what he meant.
He believed in me.
Even if everyone else forgets Yoo Jin, he believed that at least I would remember him and come looking for him.
That’s why he could make such a cruel decision.
“I will find you. No matter what, I will find you. Wait for me, Yoo Jin. I’ll be there to save you soon…”
I have no idea where Yoo Jin is.
He could be in a place that cannot be found physically.
Maybe he’s stuck in the gap where time has stopped.
But I cannot give up.
I will find a way.
By any means necessary, I will bring Yoo Jin back.
I’ll once again be in his embrace…
